It was the Eyes
by Saltandsweat
Summary: **COMPLETE** will it all end well for love? Harry Potter's daughter and Severus Snape being the main characters ... potions, intrigue and the Founders' tasks. Please R&R!
1. Lily

Chapter 1

This is a kinda follow up to Time After Time. Although it is set about twelve years later, it's in the same alternate universe. The same stuff happened in Snape's past and all that stuff. He told Harry the same stuff.

Disclaimer: Snape, unfortunately, is not mine. Neither are any of the teachers or Harry Potter or Ginny Weasley. Lily Potter (my one), Hannah Weasley, Jack Andrews, Henry Crabbe, Limus Malfoy, Adam and Anna Potter are mine. And my friend Sparks', she's on here too! Oh yeah so are Hélène and Claudia although you will find out who they are later. God, I don't wanna give the story away in the disclaimer!

Lily Potter. Those were the words on everyone's lips as the new first-years entered the Great Hall for the Sorting. Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley's daughter. James Potter's granddaughter. She was at Hogwarts. Thirteen years after Harry had left, his daughter was coming to follow in his footsteps.

Lily stood in the Great Hall, trying to ignore the excited buzz of voices. She was examining a gargoyle on the ceiling in minute detail. Suddenly Hannah Weasley nudged her.

"It's started!" she whispered excitedly.

And it had. "Andrews, Jack!" Professor McGonagall called. A short stubby boy crept to the stool and gingerly placed the hat on his head as if he expected it to bite.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" yelled the hat, and Jack Andrews breathed a sigh of relief as he stumbled to join the cheering Hufflepuff table.

Lily watched the other first-years absently. Her father had mentioned that there would be many people from families she knew in her year. Hannah Weasley, Limus Malfoy. There was even a Henry Crabbe there. She wondered whether they would be in the houses their parents were in. Limus and Henry certainly looked nasty enough for Slytherin. Hannah she was not sure about. Although she had the same bright red hair as the rest of her family, Hannah was quieter and more studious. Lily had an instinctive feeling that the girl would be placed in Ravenclaw. 

As she tried to work out the future houses of her peers, she suddenly thought of herself. Would she be in Gryffindor as her parents had been? She knew she did not really want to be in any other house. But was she like her parents, did she have her father's bravery and determination and her mother's honesty and courage? Lily was not sure.

"Potter, Lily!" The Great Hall fell silent. Lily walked apprehensively to the tall stool, and climbed onto it, lifting the hat slowly onto her head.

*Ah, Harry's daughter,* the hat said in her ear. *Yes, I remember when he tried me on. So desperate not to be put in Slytherin. Luckily his fears were misplaced. What with him being the heir of Gryffindor, I could hardly put him in Slytherin, could I?*

Lily tried to muster a weak smile and then realised the hat couldn't see her face, and her smile dropped.

*Now, then, where were we?* the hat asked her. Ah, yes, your house. Well, that's easy.* "GRYFFINDOR!" it bellowed.

Lily silently thanked whatever God she believed in, and hastily shoved the hat on the stool and ran to the Gryffindor table. They seemed to have forgotten to cheer in their urge to observe the daughter of Harry Potter. Professor McGonagall cleared her throat irritably. Immediately the whole table erupted into excited cheers.

As Lily settled down on the bench, she glanced over at the staff table. Most of the teachers were chatting easily with each other. Hannah pointed out all the different teachers to her, as her parents had introduced her to them during the summer. Madame Hooch was watching Professor Flitwick who was showing her a small model broomstick and rider that he had charmed. Dumbledore was leaning across to Hagrid, smiling and chuckling merrily with a twinkle in his blue eyes.

But there was one gaze that caught Lily's attention.

A tall man with lank black hair and pale sallow skin was staring at her. She was terrified by the expression in his fathomless eyes. Surprise, anger, fear and above all a great sadness were mixed together in that stare. Lily tried to avert her eyes from his face, but the intense drawing power of his eyes held hers.

This could only be Severus Snape, Potions Master and Head of Slytherin. Most of Dad's stories about him contained the words 'ugly git,' or 'slimy bastard,' but Lily had a feeling that this was only affectionate banter. And looking at this man, she could tell that there was more to him than just silky nastiness.

Professor Dumbledore tapped Snape on the arm, and slowly Snape turned his head and eyes to look at him. Lily was suddenly able to look away. Hannah Weasley had squeezed in beside her, having in fact been sorted into Gryffindor like Lily. She was ecstatic. The two girls congratulated one another and proceeded to stuff themselves full of the delicious food Hogwarts provided.

When they were contented, and Professor Dumbledore had had his say, Lily and Hannah walked together up to their dormitory, where Hannah fell straight into bed. Lily, however, climbed into bed with ink, quill and parchment and wrote to her father.

_Dear Daddy,_

_I hope that you are ok without me and that Mum is able to cope keep an eye on Adam and Anna. I am in Gryffindor just as you said I would be but I guess that's hardly surprising seeing as you ARE Gryffindor. There are some children of people you know in my year: Hannah Weasley obviously, and also Limus Malfoy and Henry Crabbe. The teachers are more or less the same as they used to be – at least they are from your descriptions of them. I also need to ask you about Professor Snape. Are you and he really on such bad terms? Somehow I don't think so._

_                                       Lots of love,_

_                                                Lily xxx_

Lily slid the letter into an envelope and addressed it, still deep in thought. Hannah shifted in her sleep and the sound brought Lily back to reality. Her lamp was flickering violently, protesting its need for oil. She resolved to get some more the next day from Professor McGonagall. The trivial, everyday thoughts sent Lily slowly into a blissful stupor, and fairly soon she was asleep.

Sorry this is quite short. I have written the next chapter but I have to type it up. I hate rereading and editing stuff I've written it's very disappointing. But Chapter 2 coming soon!


	2. Only Human

Chapter 2

I know the last chapter didn't exactly end on a cliff hanger but I didn't break it up as I wrote this, and so I haven't tried to create them. So you will have to bear with me.

Disclaimer: Surely you don't need another one?

The next day Lily found herself being shook awake by Hannah. Half asleep she dressed and followed Hannah down to breakfast. Professor McGonagall was handing out timetables, and Lily's mind snapped awake when she noticed which lesson she had first. Potions.

Waiting nervously in the Potions lab next to Hannah, Lily again contemplated the strange way in which Snape had regarded her. What was it about her that made him look at her with such an angry and even scared expression? Was it her appearance? Lily had been told by her father that she looked remarkably like her grandmother, with her chestnut-red hair and green eyes. Perhaps Snape had known her. Yes … wait a minute – Lily remembered her father mentioning Snape having known his parents. But why his strange reaction? Snape had seen many children of wizarding families pass through the school. Lily was more than aware that she was not descended from an ordinary family, but surely this did not merit such an unexpected reaction?

Perhaps watching Snape would provide some answers. And speaking of Snape, where was he?

Suddenly the door burst open (_as if on cue,_ Lily thought) and the Potions Master strode in, muttering. The class fell silent immediately, and the students were easily able to hear his words. 

"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-making. As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic."

Lily smiled to herself, careful not to let her amusement show on her face. Dad had told her that Snape tended to repeat his pep talk word for word at the beginning of every year, and like her father's other stories, this one was proving to be true.

"I don't really expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses … I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death."

As he spoke these words, Lily found herself being lulled into a kind of beautiful vision of the things that Snape had described. She tried to imagine what stoppered death would look like, and shuddered.

"Now." Snape had obviously finished his little speech and had decided to start the lesson. He stood at the front of the classroom, his robes hanging in liquid folds from his tall lean body. Even Lily had to appreciate the effect. His voice, although deadly quiet, reached even the furthest corners of the dungeon. Students and rats alike straightened and hung onto his every word, praying that they would not do anything wrong and provoke his anger. 

After a long, dramatic pause to make sure everyone was listening, Snape continued. "I trust you all have your textbooks. On page one hundred and sixty-four you will find the potion you will be making. The ingredients are on my desk. If anyone mixes them up I will be most … disappointed." Everyone heard the malice in his voice. No-one dared to move until he started to turn away. There was a scrabbling for textbooks and a quiet murmur of voices as people tried to find partners. Lily naturally worked with Hannah, who dashed off to get ingredients while Lily looked through the instructions. 

She had never seen a Potions recipe before; her father, despite violent objections from his wife, had told her: "What's the point of teaching you early? I didn't even know I was a wizard until I was your age, and I did all right!" 'All right' was a slight understatement, Lily had thought, but he had a point.

When Hannah returned the got to work. It wasn't as hard as Snape had made it out to be, Lily discovered. Their potion seemed to be going all the right colours at the right times, and was the right texture. She could see what Snape meant about potion making being an exact art and a subtle science. There were so many things that could go wrong in one painstaking brewing. 

Snape was prowling around the classroom, casting an expert eye over the simmering cauldrons. He seemed to have something to say to every pair. Most people had overheated their potions, and great clouds of steam were billowing from their cauldrons. Snape was anything but sympathetic with the pupils responsible.

When he got to Lily and Hannah's workbench, he stared hard into their cauldron. His eyes flickered strangely. For a moment he looked as if he was going to move on, but appeared to change his mind. He looked up at them. When he saw Lily, he froze. Again she caught that expression in his eyes.

"Well," he said softly. "Miss Potter. You appear to have had some beginner's luck. No doubt it was a one-off. Decant the potion into a phial and clear up." He stalked off, leaving the two girls to stare at each other in disbelief. 

"We are probably the only first years to make our first potion perfectly," breathed Hannah. "I can't believe it."

Lily stared after Snape thoughtfully. He was checking another cauldron, muttering criticism in that same silky voice. What was it about her potion that had made his eyes flicker like that? Was her potion really so perfect that even the best Potions maker probably in the world could not find anything to say about it? It seemed unnatural for a first year, especially with Professor Snape.

The two of them finished decanting the potion and cleared away, both very quiet and thoughtful. When they got out of the lesson, the whole class buzzed excitedly around them. "Did you really make a perfect potion?" "Did you see his face afterwards, he looked really angry!" Lily rather enjoyed the sudden attention; even though she had not been the only one who had made the potion, she seemed to be receiving all the praise for it. Of course, it was because she was a Potter. Most students were more than happy to believe that Lily was a brilliant student. They were obviously expecting her to turn out just like her father. Although Lily quite liked the attention now, she dreaded the pressure it would bring later on.

Thankfully, Hannah did not mind being overshadowed in the least, and that evening, after Lily had explained exactly how they had made the potion for the fifth time, they walked back to the dormitory arm in arm.

"So, what do you think of Snape?" Lily asked her friend as they undressed. 

"I don't know … he seems … weird," admitted Hannah. "I don't really like him, even if he was nice to us."

"Hmmm." Snape had not been 'nice' to them. He had wanted to find something wrong with their potion, the way he had with everyone. Their potion was just … different.

So Hannah shared the same opinion as everyone else. She had obviously not felt what Lily had at the moment what Snape had looked into their cauldron. What he had looked up at them. His face had not changed, but his eyes had betrayed feelings beyond his control – for the second time in two days, Snape had looked scared. And for some unknown reason, when Snape looked scared, Lily felt scared.

She had to admit, at least to herself, that she felt drawn to Snape. But what was it about this tall, sour man that drew her? He certainly wasn't charismatic, and you would have to be mad to call him good-looking. Lily pictured the Potions master as she lay in bed: his lank, greasy hair, his long nose, his deep black eyes … his eyes. Two ageless orbs of knowledge, reaching into her mind and seeking out her emotions while at the same time betraying his. Lily perceived a great hurt from years, back in his past, a hurt that would never fade nor die. A suggestion that things were not all as they seemed.

What this hurt was she could not tell. He seemed incapable of having fallen in love, even when he was younger. But he was human. She was beginning to realise that no-one else gave him credit for it.

Lily leaned back into her pillow. Her second double lesson of Potions was tomorrow, after lunch. She would have plenty of time to watch Snape then. 

Again the next chapter will be up soon, when I can be bothered to type it up!


	3. Two Letters

Chapter 3

I know this is all coming very fast, but I wanna get onto the good bits. But from now on I'm not going to update until I get reviews, dammit!

Lily made an effort to be very early for her next Potions lesson. Snape was already there, and she stood in the doorway watching him hurry around the lab with potions and ingredients for a full two minutes before he noticed her. He looked directly at her with his fathomless eyes, and Lily unexpectedly needed to take a step backwards.

"Miss Potter. You are very keen. You've slightly misjudged the time. Your classmates won't be here for another few minutes."

Lily suddenly realised how stupid she must look arriving at the lesson five minutes early without a good reason, when most people made a conscious effort to be late. _Think of an excuse,_ she told herself. "Erm …" she began. Snape looked up from the bench. Again the power of his eyes caught her, and made her gasp. "I … er … I wanted to ask you about my potion yesterday."

"What about it?"

Lily suddenly realised that there was something she needed to ask him. She struggled to find words for her question that would not sound conceited. "Was it-"

"Perfect?" he asked quietly. Lily nodded.

Snape shrugged. "Yes. I confess I am surprised. You seem to have quite a … flair … for potions."

"But sir?" protested Lily. "I've never even seen a potion before. And Hannah was with me, she's more experienced-"

"It was not Hannah," Snape said calmly. "It was you." There was a tentative knock on the door. He turned away. "And now the others are here." He strode over to the door, and then stopped and looked at her. Again Lily caught that strange expression in his eyes. This time, though, she felt flattered by it more than anything else. She held his gaze for a few seconds, then blinked and looked down, smiling. Snape opened the door and let in the rest of their class.

"Sit down," he ordered. "There will be no practical today, so get out parchment, quills, ink, textbooks, anything else you feel might … help you. I want a thousand word essay evaluating your potion making yesterday. I will take points off for everything that went wrong. Equally, I will know if you lie. So perhaps you should have thought about that before … screwing up your potions yesterday." He looked directly at Lily when he said this. "Begin!"

Lily had never written so hard as she did in that lesson. Although there had apparently been nothing wrong with it, she could still write a lot. Five minutes before the lesson ended, she shoved the pile of paper onto Snape's desk. "There," she muttered under her breath. He raised his eyebrows at her but said nothing. In fact, she was the only one who had finished the essay. Snape looked deeply satisfied with himself.

"Five points from Gryffindor for anyone who has not finished, and extend your essays to five thousand words for homework. Dismissed." He twitched Lily's essay from his desk and swept from the room.

Hannah and Lily dragged themselves from the classroom, nursing their wrists. "I don't believe it!" Hannah exclaimed. "Three thousand words! I didn't even write two thousand, you know how slow I write. Slimy bastard." Lily smiled to herself. Even she had to admit that three thousand words was just an excuse to take points from Gryffindor. Sadist.

But she had to wonder: why did Snape do nasty things like this when he was obviously hiding so much? What prompted him to suppress his true emotions and go through the world hating everyone?

Lily was still contemplating this at supper. She sat with furrowed brow and distant eyes, slowly lifting the sumptuous food vaguely to her mouth.

"What's wrong with you?" Hannah demanded. "We've only been here three days, and you're already sick of the food?"

Lily jerked back to reality. "Err, sorry … I'm just tired," she mumbled. Hannah raised her eyebrows but said nothing.

Suddenly a window slammed open at the top of the hall. The whole school fell silent and watched in surprise as two owls swooped in. They circled down towards the students, one a huge black creature and the other a smaller, snow-white barn owl.

The black owl zoomed over the staff table, dropping its letter. The envelope landed in Professor Snape's place. The other owl dropped its letter right into Lily's hands. Lily shot a worried look at Hannah and turned over the envelope. It was addressed to her in red writing which Lily recognised immediately: her father's. Eager to hear any news from home, but at the same time wondering what could be so urgent as to arrive by evening post, she ripped the letter open.

_Dear Lily,_

_          I received your letter today and am pleased to inform you that Professor Snape and I are perhaps not on as bad terms as he would lead you to believe. He is in fact one of my greater friends. Do not be fooled by his cold exterior – it shields a very human and surprisingly normal man._

_Unfortunately, I have some bad news. Due to a death in Europe, we have a lead on Voldemort's location, and so I am going to have to go abroad again. Don't worry about me – it's very unlikely that we'll actually find him. Give Snape my best wishes, and your mother requests that you write her a letter occasionally._

_                                       All my love_

_                                                Dad xxx_

Lily lowered the letter, stunned. Dad had told her during the summer holidays that he believed Voldemort to be 'more or less taken care of.' And now he was going away to put himself in mortal danger for another few months. A tear rolled down her cheek.

Suddenly she caught her breath, and slowly turned around to face the staff table. Snape's eyes were boring into her. _He knows_, Lily thought. _He knows where Dad's gone._

She studied him cautiously. His face seemed much paler than usual; it was as if it had been drained of blood. His eyes were haunted, glittering. He seemed to be at a loss for words or actions. Then, abruptly, he stood up and stalked out of the Great Hall.

A sudden thought flashed into Lily's mind. She bent her head over her own letter again until she found the words she wanted. 'Due to a death in Europe.' Who had been killed? And what did Snape know about it? More than anything Lily wanted to follow him and ask. Then she remembered her father's request. 'Give Snape my best wishes.'

Without thinking any further, Lily leapt from her chair dashed after. Hannah cried out in protest, but when Lily did not stop she settled moodily back don to her chocolate pudding.

Lily paused outside the Great Hall. Where could Snape have gone? Surely if he had left the Great Hall to escape from the stares of others he would not have gone to the staff room? Lily suddenly realised the stupidity of what she was doing. What right had she to look for him anyway? She had never met him before yesterday. He didn't know her, she didn't know him. _But he knows your father very well,_ she told herself. _Find him. He can tell you things you couldn't dream of._ The only place Lily could think of that wholly belonged to him was his office next to the Potions lab. She set off down the corridor towards the dungeons.

As she hurried along, Lily grew more and more puzzled. Snape had been walking quite slowly. Why had she not caught up with him yet? Perhaps he had not gone this way after all. She slowed, disheartened. How would she ever find him in the vast and complex labyrinth of Hogwarts? There were thousands upon thousands of rooms, hundreds of staircases. Most of which looked exactly the same. Snape could be anywhere: after all, he had been teaching here for nearly twenty-five years. He knew every corner of the castle. And she, Lily Potter, who had been here for two days, was looking for him.

A memory from years ago flashed into Lily's head. " 'Needle in a haystack,'" her father had told her. "It's a stupid Muggle expression. That's what Voldemort is."

At the thought of her father, Lily's eyes filled with tears. _I might never see him again,_ she though. Suddenly she wanted to run, to escape from questions and queries, from people. She began to sprint, knowing she would be in trouble with Filch but not caring. Tears blurred her vision but she still stumbled on, running up stairs, taking a left here, a right there, reaching dark deserted corridors she had never seen before …

Lily tripped over a chunk of stone that had fallen out of the wall. She lurched forwards, coming to rest against a large buttress. She stood for a moment, panting. She had to be on the fifth floor at least. Her head twitched involuntarily at a small noise from further down the corridor. She squinted into the darkness. A large shape was crouched against the wall. Try as she might, she could not make anything out except the outline of it.

Suddenly she had a flash of inspiration. She pulled out her wand, and muttered: "Lumos!" That was the first spell Professor Flitwick had taught them. 

By the dim glow of her wand Lily inched forward towards the shape. It did not move. She lowered her wand down to it. Two thin sallow hands covered a face framed with dark greasy hair.

It was Professor Snape.

Ok, that's it. I'm not putting up any more until I get reviews. REVIEWS, people. Pleeeeease!


	4. Revelations

Chapter 4

Do I need another author's note? Just read the damn thing.

Lily started in surprise. Snape jerked his hands from his face and looked up. Even by the faint light of her wand Lily could make out his dark, tunnel-like eyes. They were gleaming with unwept tears.

"Pro – Professor?" she asked. 

Snape sighed. "Miss Potter," he replied heavily. "What do you want?"

Lily decided to ask him the question that had been plaguing her since supper. "I received a letter from father. He said there had been a death in Europe and that he was going off again to fight Voldemort. He sends you his best wishes." Snape nodded once in acknowledgement. "Sir, I – I wanted to ask you. Who has been killed? Where is my father? I know you know; please don't hide it from me."

Snape narrowed his eyes at her. "Why would I know?"

"Because you are one of his greatest friends," Lily said gently.

Snape snorted. "Hardly, Miss Potter."

Lily drew out the letter and wordlessly handed it to him. Snape looked at her closely for a moment, then began to read. He seemed to read incredibly fast. When he had finished he gave it back to her with a resigned expression. Then he began to speak.

"Miss Potter, around fifteen years ago in France, I had a … liaison … with a woman named Helene. Nothing serious, just a bit of … fun." Had the situation not been so intense, Lily would have laughed at how strange the word sounded on Snape's lips. "Then Helene fell … with child. Pregnant. I was overjoyed. We moved into a small house together. But a few weeks before the baby was born, Helene told me that she was having an affair with-" Snape's murmuring voice broke off. Lily didn't push him. She could understand how difficult it must be for a man of his pride, his tightness, to tell an eleven-year-old girl about his terrible past.

With a visible effort, Snape continued. "With – the humanised Lord Voldemort, Miss Potter." Horror coursed through Lily. How could anyone connect themselves with Lord Voldemort in such a hideous way? "As you may imagine, I was not best pleased. But I knew the wrath of Lord Voldemort. I knew how angry he would be if he discovered his lover was pregnant with one of his former Death Eaters' child. So I stayed with Helene. But Voldemort always found out everything. The day the baby was born, he came to our house. Helene was still weak from childbirth. And she wasn't a witch. He killed her straightaway. I fled with the baby. We hid in the wine cellars of Bordeaux. I named the child Claudia. When I had to go back to teach at Hogwarts, I left Claudia with Madame Maxime, headmistress of Beauxbatons School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Claudia attended that school when she turned eleven. I went to see her during all the school holidays.

"This evening, I received a letter from your father, telling me that Beauxbatons had been attacked." Snape's voice began to waver. Lily could hear him forcing it into a flat, emotionless monotone. "My daughter was killed. Lord Voldemort found her at last."

A sob rose up in Lily's throat in sympathy for this tall, dignified man who was now slumped on the floor. More than anything she wanted to put her arms around him, to comfort him. But she could not. Gradually her awareness that he was a teacher crept through her.

"I'd better get back," she whispered, and slowly walked away. She did not know the way, but was willing to take a guess to get away from the man whose sobs wrenched at her heart and tore at her throat.

Purely by chance, she came across the History of Magic classroom. She knew her way back from here. As she made her way along the corridor she marvelled at what Snape had told her. He had had a daughter. A child of his own, a focus for all his unspent love. And now she was dead.

What had prompted him to tell her about this? What spark of emotion had made him trust her more than, Lily suspected, the other teachers or students? Was it because she was a Potter? Again her hatred for any advantage being a Potter might give her surged up. But then Lily realised exactly what it was. _It is because I'm a Potter,_ she thought. _But it's not because I'm famous. It's because Snape trusts my father more than any other human being._ The realisation filled Lily with sudden warmth, and she straightened slightly as she walked.

Hannah was waiting for her when she got back to the Gryffindor common room. "Where have you been?" she demanded. "Why did you storm out during supper?" In fact, all the first-years and some of the older students were looking at lily for an explanation. She sighed. "I just got some bad new in that letter I got. My father has to go abroad again. For months and months. He does it a lot."

Hannah stared at her open-mouthed. "You mean – to fight You-Know-Who?"

"Voldemort, yes." The other students winced. Lily realised too late that she should not have said 'the name,' and shrugged apologetically. Sorry. My father taught me that fear of a name increases fear of the person himself. Not that Voldemort is a person, though."

The rest of the year continued to stare at her. Lily began to feel uncomfortable. "Um … I think I'll go to bed. I'm pretty tired." She turned and fled up the stairs. The dormitory was deserted. Lily flung herself onto her bed, suddenly near to tears once more. Waves pf pity, both for herself and for Professor Snape, rolled over her. At least she still had a family. He had no one. No one who cared about him.

_Except you,_ a voice in her head told her. _You care about him._

_I do not!_ Lily responded angrily. _Maybe I feel drawn to him, but –_ The thought stopped. Lily tried to convey her feelings into English. She had to win this battle, even if it was only with her head. _I just – understand him._ That was true. Although Lily had not been through what Snape had been through, she did know what it was like to feel unloved. As a Potter, she was world-famous anyway, but as Gryffindor's heir – everyone knew who she was. They watched her every move, listened to her every word. She had no privacy whatsoever. More than a few times Lily wished that the position of Gryffindor's heir could not be transferred to a woman. Then her brother, Adam, would have the responsibility. But she could not change it.

Even her family was not close to her. Only her father understood how much pressure she was under. Her mother, sister and brother were sympathetic, but Lily doubted they really knew what it was like.

Slowly she drifted into a sorrowful, uneasy sleep, her dreams full of Snape's lover being killed by Voldemort, of Snape himself fleeing with his beloved daughter. But then Hélène changed into her father. There was a yell of "Avada Kedavra!" A flash of green light. And Lily awoke, sweating and shaking. It was light outside: glancing at her watch Lily saw that it was half past five in the morning.

She lay back down, but could not stay still, and soon she hopped out of bed, threw on her cotton dressing gown and ran out of the dormitory. She knew exactly where she was going this time. Outside.

In the cool, still air, Lily threw herself down onto the wet grass. Again she thought of her father, but this time she felt anger, not fear and sorrow. How could her father leave her like this? What if he died? She would be Gryffindor's heir, first in line after Dumbledore died. Suddenly Lily felt scared. She rose from the grass and began to walk in the direction of the lake. Hannah had shown her the lake on her first evening here. It seemed so peaceful, although everyone knew that a giant squid and goodness knows what else lurked in its depths. How could anything, even a lake, be calm and serene all the time? Even Snape, the master of inscrutability, could not do it.

The lake was exactly as Lily remembered it, a gently rippling sheet of grey. Scowling, Lily started to pick up stones and throw them into the water as hard as she could. She could think of nothing but her father's selfishness. How could he leave her here alone, to the mercy of the entire wizarding world? "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy," she murmured as she searched along the bank for more stones. "Why have you deserted me?" Again she flung the stones out over the lake; they landed in a series of resounding splashes.

"I would advise you to consider the giant squid, Miss Potter, before throwing things quite so forcefully into the lake."

Lily recognised the voice as soon as it began. She turned, acknowledging his presence. "Professor."

"Lily."

She stiffened. Snape _never_ called people by their first names, never. She looked up into his eyes. His expression was different now: there was no anger, no pride, no fear. Just terrible sorrow. Lord Voldemort had hurt him, just like he had everyone else. 

Lily smiled gently at Snape, suddenly guilty that she could even think about her father when this man had endured such a loss. Her thirst for knowledge surged up, and a dozen questions formed in her mind before she could pick the right one. "Professor?" she asked timidly. "Did you know my grandmother?"

Snape's face twisted into a bitter, self-mocking smile. "Yes," he said shortly. "I knew her."

Lily nodded, afraid to ask any more, and turned to leave. As she walked away over the grass, dew soaking her bare feet, she looked back at him. He had sunk down onto the ground, sobbing and covering his face with his strong hands.

Lily shook her head, marvelling at Snape's courage. The way he only let himself cry when she had left. The way his face showed none of what he felt inside, the way he had to let it out when no-one saw.

Awed and subdued, she walked back to the castle. She was surprised to see that she had been out for over an hour. A couple of students were already heading to the library. _Probably finishing their homework,_ Lily thought, hiding a smile as they passed her.

She got back to the dormitory just as everyone was waking up, and was immediately swept into the chaos of five other girls trying to get ready at the same time. _Good_. Much as _she_ liked Snape, she didn't think her friends would be quite wiling to believe that he was human, let alone likeable.

_But then,_ she reasoned with herself, n_or did you, until you got to know him._

Hope you like it! There is more but I WANT REVIEWS, people! Pretty please!


	5. Secret Confession

Chapter 5

Author's Note: Ok, from now on I will only update if I get reviews. Otherwise it is a waste of everyone's time.

After their encounters, Lily expected things to be different during Potions. She thought at least that Snape would be changed – distracted, perhaps, or maybe a little less nasty. But he was exactly the same. He spoke in the same clear quiet voice, he took off points from the same people for the same things. He treated Lily with the same sneering coldness he showed to everyone. Nothing had changed. Only a glimmer of pain in Snape's eyes at times suggested that things might not be as they seemed.

Lily, however, despite Snape's discouraging attitude, continued to excel in Potions. There was rarely very much wrong with her concoctions, and her essays were mostly faultless. Snape, of course, pretended not to notice her strange gift, but marked her down for trivial things like the neatness of her handwriting instead. Lily didn't mind these low marks; in fact, she was relieved. After the initial shock of her perfect potions had worn off, some of her classmates had turned quite nasty. _After all,_ Lily had told herself,_ it was hardly natural for a Gryffindor to be even remotely good at Potions!_

So Lily delighted in her mediocre marks – they meant she and Snape knew she was brilliant without exposing her to the remarks of others.

One lesson, while Lily was chewing her quill over a particularly difficult set of questions, she glanced up at Snape. He immediately looked at his desk, but not before she caught him gazing at her with a deep sadness.

_Why me?_ Lily thought suddenly. _Why does he pay attention to me? Is it just because I look like my grandmother? _He must have seen so many people who looked like their parents or grandparents. What was it about her grandmother, Lily Evans, that provoked this reaction?

She had to ask him. But how could she approach him with such a question? What if he denied it all, his staring, the strange expression, everything?

Lily suddenly remembered his hollow laugh when she had asked him if he had known her grandmother. There had been something strange about that laugh – something wrong there, too.

Over the weeks Lily gradually began to realise how complex this man was. How much he had had to endure.

More than anything she wanted to ask him about it, to hear him pour out everything to her. But she knew this could not happen. She had seen how much his pride had been dented by admitting to her that he had loved, had been hurt, felt sadness, joy, was _human._ She hoped fervently that he did not regret telling her about his dead lover and daughter, that it had been a conscious placing of trust. Not a confession of the past related in a fit of confusion.

Closely linked to her worries about Snape were, of course, her worries about her father. She had not heard from him since that letter at supper. As Christmas neared and still neither she nor her family had received a letter, she became more and more troubled. Where was he? From Snape's story she presumed he must be in France, near Beauxbatons, but how would she know if something had happened to him?

As she watched Snape, a suspicion began to form in her mind. A niggling feeling that the tall Potions master knew more than he was letting on. Knew where her father was, what he was doing.

She decided to ask him as soon as she got the chance. But he never seemed to be alone anymore. He no longer spent hours in his office marking endless essays: either he had suddenly turned social or Dumbledore had deliberately stepped in to prevent him wasting away in grief. Contemplating this lying in bed, Lily suspected the headmaster's involvement.

The only time she could think of when Snape was alone was at night. Now. In his chambers. 

Could she go looking for his rooms? What would she say if she was caught? How could she explain that she just wanted to get him on his own to talk to him?

_But what do you care more about?_ the voice in her head asked her. _Your father or your own pride? Are you really going to let your petty concerns overshadow your love for your father? Pull yourself together and go and find him!_

Lily made up her mind. She cautiously sat up and peered at her friends. They all seemed to be asleep. Gingerly Lily got out of bed, freezing for a second as Hannah shifted, but then pulling on the warmest robe she could find and thrusting her feet into her slippers. Glancing around her nervously, she hurried down the stairs, across the common room and out through the portrait hole.

Surprisingly, Lily knew where she was going. She was always one to trust her instincts, and instinct led her straight to that corridor where she had found him against the wall.

What she was looking for, she did not know. A telltale crack in the wall, maybe? A handle? A suspicious-looking gargoyle? Or a – Lily tripped over a chunk of stone. Crossly she stood up and aimed a kick at it. It did not move; she merely succeeded in bruising her foot. Was this the same lump of stone that she had fallen over at the beginning of term? It seemed solidly rooted in the floor. On a hunch, she reached down and tried to shift the stone. It did not move. It did not twist or depress or lift, it did not push or pull. It was well and truly stuck.

Lily sighed and turned her attention to the wall. There was a fist sized hole in it, presumably where the stone had fallen out. But on examining it more closely, she discovered a small handle inside the hole, and at once turned it. The entire section of wall in front of her slid inwards and sideways to reveal an elegant doorway. Lily checked that there was no one about, and entered Snape's rooms.

The room was practically empty, with a bare stone wall and no furnishings except a plain table and chair in the left hand corner, a mahogany wardrobe to the right and a huge, imposing four poster bed in the centre of the room. The air was cool and still, flavoured with the beautiful scent of the white lilies on the table. _For mourning,_ Lily realised.

Snape himself was sitting on his bed, bare chested, head in hands, staring moodily at the wall. He had appeared not to notice her come in, but when she began to cross the room towards him, he let out an explosive breath. "And here was me thinking I was well hidden."

Lily sighed with relief. He was not angry with her for invading his privacy. In fact, it almost seemed as if he'd been expecting her. She regarded his bent form, the strong back arched over his head, his wet hair tied back in a neat ponytail. He had obviously just had a shower, and he looked … almost attractive. His normally sallow skin was flushed with the heat of the water, and his hair actually looked clean. His black jeans had clearly just been thrown on, yet he looked completely comfortable in them.

"Well, sir, we all have to be wrong occasionally."

He looked around at her sharply. Had she been silly to make a joke? His face was unfathomable, his eyes filled with mixed emotions. Then suddenly he drew in a breath.

"You sound exactly like your grandmother when you say that." His tone was amused but also slightly accusing, as if he was chiding her for mimicking a dead person. However, he had brought her onto the subject nicely, and she could not thank him enough for it.

"Sir … what's unusual about me? Or what wass unusual about my grandmother?"

He regarded her seriously. Then abruptly he broke the eye contact and looked down, whispering to himself. In the echoing silence of his bedroom, Lily heard his words without difficulty. "James won … he always won."

Suddenly everything fell into place in her head: Snape's strange fearful expression, his bitter laugh, his brusque confession that he had known her.

"You loved her," she murmured. 

Snape nodded slightly, then began to talk, his words flat and blank. "I never really loved Hélène. I adored her, yes, worshipped her, but I didn't love her. I've never loved anyone but … Lily."

Lily stared at him in wonder. Her eyes were beginning to fill with tears.

"You find it hard to believe, Miss Potter?" 

She shook her head dumbly. "I always knew anything was possible with you, sir."

His face twisted into a self-mocking sneer. "Possible … inevitable … doomed. I could never have her."

"Professor … I … I'm so sorry."

"Why? What for? What have you done now? Is there a piece of late homework due in that I should know about?" Momentarily he reverted back to his normal snapping voice, and Lily could not contain a small smile.

"I – I didn't know. I had no idea."

"What? That I was such a sad, mad, old man? Surely you must have had _some_ idea." His attempt at humour brought a lump to Lily's throat. That he could force himself not to think about it brought home to her what incredible strength of mind he must have.

"Sir … how do you cope with it all?"

Snape shrugged his broad shoulders. "By not thinking about it. Miss Potter, I understand that you want to know about your ancestors. You're very like your father, very … curious. But for those who lived it, the past can be very … painful. I would be grateful if you didn't bring it up again."

It was astonishing to hear his usually stern voice pleading with her not to hurt him, not to talk about the past. She could not refuse him, although her yearning for knowledge was stronger than ever. She nodded dumbly.

Snape's face twisted into a harsh smile. "After all, I managed fairly well before you arrived. Why should I change because a girl arrives who slightly resembles a woman who's been dead for over thirty years?"

"Of course. Erm … I'll leave, then." Lily drew in a breath, savouring the scent of the lilies, then fled from the room.

She would have cursed herself, if she'd known any. How could she have been so cruel? Why had she forced him to relate to her the very events that he had tried to forget for so long?

Furious with herself, Lily began to storm back to her room. For some reason, Snape's statement that it was painful remembering things past made Lily hate herself even more. Why were his feelings her feelings?

_Forget about it!_ she told herself. _You're harming, not helping. Give it up!_

She made up her mind. Bringing the past back was only hurting Snape, and she was fairly sure that soon she would hear something that she didn't want to hear. Better to forget about knowing more, and leave Snape to his own thoughts.

_And keep yours to yourself, Miss Potter._

Hey, that was a pretty long chapter! I have more, and I'm really getting into this story, so as long as I get a steady supply of reviews the next chapter shouldn't be too far away!


	6. Anger and Guilt

Chapter 6

Author's Note – This story is taking off and it's nowhere near finished yet! Ooooh it's exciting me now, I hope you like it!

Throughout the rest of the term Lily did her best to ignore Snape. It was surprisingly easy – after observing her classmates she learned to adopt the resentful look that most of them wore during Potions. Although she still worked hard and produced flawless potions and essays, Lily gradually managed to block all thoughts of the Potions master from her head.

Snape, on the other hand, looked more tired and harassed that ever. In a moment of weakness Lily couldn't help wondering whether pouring out his past to her had actually helped him. Now he had yet another death to cope with. On his own. The ache of guilt in her stomach did not subside, but steadily Lily learned to pay no attention to it. It did make her life much easier.

The blow in Lily's now peaceful existence came in the form of another letter, this time from her mother. It informed her that she would have to stay at Hogwarts over the Christmas holidays because he father was still away. Lily was outraged. After asking around, she discovered that she was the only first year whose family didn't want her home for Christmas. This did nothing to improve her mood.

After breakfast, unfortunately, she had Potions. Snape was the last person she wanted to see when she was in such a bad mood.

She almost stomped into the dungeons, slammed her books down on her desk and sat down. Snape raised his eyebrows with a slightly pained look but said nothing. After a quick inspection of her he addressed the class. "As this is the last lesson of term, I am going to test you to see how much you idiots have learned over the last twelve weeks."

There was a low groan from some of the more confident members of the class. Snape smiled thinly. "I really should takes points off for that open defiance, but you all need a holiday, I think." He looked directly at Lily when he said this. "So we'll continue. Miss Weasley, how many times a minute should you stir a Sleeping Potion?"

Hannah blinked; Lily was certain that she had no idea, but she was in no mood to give her the answer like she normally did.

"Um …" Hannah struggled for an answer, looking desperately at Lily. Lily shrugged with a non-committal frown, and turned away. 

"Lost for words, Miss Weasley? How strange," Snape said nastily. "Perhaps Miss Potter knows the answer?"

His tone of voice did not change but Lily could tell that he had picked her out specially. That he was challenging her. Suddenly resentful of having to prove herself, Lily shrugged. "I don't know."

"Why do you not know, Miss Potter?"

Lily flipped. Why couldn't this man just leave her alone? Why did he always intrude on her? "Because it's a pointless question and _I don't care!"_

Snape looked slightly saddened by this blunt statement, but still he treated her like any other student. "That is enough," he said quietly. "See me at the end of the lesson to discuss your … punishment for those impertinent remarks."

Lily rolled her eyes scornfully. "Fine," she snapped, and settled back to her unhappy musings. Snape tactfully ignored her.

The Potions master did not look at her or talk to her for the rest of the lesson. When everyone else left, Lily still sat staring at her desk. Snape came quietly over to her.

"What on earth is the matter with you, Miss Potter?"

"Nothing," she said flatly.

"Nothing?" Snape's voice was slightly incredulous, but he was clearly amused.

"Oh, it's all very funny, isn't it, sir?" Lily shouted. "You don't have a family! You don't know what it's like to be loved – you wouldn't know how it feels when people suddenly stopped loving you!"

Snape froze in shock and hurt. His face hardened. "I don't have a family, Miss Potter, because Lord Voldemort killed them! He killed the five people who I loved the most. Do you honestly believe that you are less loved than I?"

Lily couldn't speak; she was aghast that she could have said anything so terrible. She shook her head slowly.

"I know your mother doesn't want you to come home for Christmas, Lily."

Lily looked at him sharply, not noticing that he had called her 'Lily' again. "You do?"

He nodded uneasily. "I – Dumbledore told me. Miss Potter, you have a three-year-old sister who sings all the time, and a nine-year-old brother who just happens to love zooming around the house on a broomstick. And then there's you. Have you considered it possible that your mother does not feel able to look after three children on her own?"

At once Lily felt like a complete idiot. Of course that was why she couldn't go home! Why had she not realised? How could she have said that to Snape, the one person whom it would hurt the most?

Tears began to flow from her eyes. She sank down onto the desk, sobbing with anguish and guilt. "Sir – I -"

He sat down, raising a pale hand. "Leave it, Miss Potter, you've said enough."

Still she continued to sob uncontrollably, her breath coming in shaking gasps. Slowly Snape rose again, and walked over to her, laying a hand lightly on her heaving back. Gradually Lily stilled, whimpering. As her sobs ceased, she murmured: "I'm sorry, sir. I'm so sorry."

"Leave it."

On a childish impulse Lily flung her arms around him, forgetting for one happy moment that he was her teacher. Snape stiffened. Lily realised too late that he had probably not been hugged for many years. Awkwardly she let go of him and looked into his eyes. The same guarded look was there, but something else new. For the first time since she had met him, Snape looked happy.

She smiled girlishly at him, and picking up her books, skipped out of the lab. She felt incredibly pleased with herself, which was surprising after her outburst. She had made a lonely, anguished man happy, if only for a moment. There was no greater reward.

Suddenly, staying at Hogwarts did not seem like such a bad prospect any more. If Snape was staying over the holidays too (and she was fairly sure he was, since he had no family left) then she could always talk to him. But would he want to spend the whole holidays with an eleven-year-old? After all, he was much cleverer than she was. Wouldn't he want someone more on his intellectual wavelength to talk to?

Then Lily remembered the look in his eyes when she had hugged him. Perhaps he did enjoy her company after all.

On the last day of term, she went to find him. He was just outside the staff room, bending down to talk to Professor Flitwick. Lily stifled a laugh at the sight of this tiny man beaming cheerfully up into Snape's emotionless face as she carefully approached them. "Professor Snape?" she asked. "Can I – er – have a word?"

Snape glanced meaningfully at Flitwick, who quickly took the hint and bustled off, still beaming. Snape led Lily into a corner out of the way of people. "Miss Potter?"

"Sir, I was … erm … wondering," she stammered, becoming more annoyed with herself with every word she said. Why did she always get so tongue-tied and nervous with this man? What was it about his sallow face, his challenging gaze that put her off?

Determined to get through at least one sentence without hesitating, she blurted: "Are you staying here over the holidays?"

Snape's lips curved into a small smile. "Yes, Li – Miss Potter, I am staying here." He lowered his voice and bent down towards her. "After all, where else would I go?"

"Don't you have … like … um … a house or something?"

"I do, but … I'd rather stay here. There's no one at home anymore."

Lily smiled gently. "I know." She cleared her throat. "But I was thinking … maybe I could … I dunno … help you?"

Snape raised his eyebrows. "In the dungeons? With me?"

"Yes."

He let out a breath. "Of course. I've got a lot of orders to be made for the Ministry of Magic. I don't know how much I'd be able to let you do … perhaps you could make your own potions."

"Would you teach me some extra stuff? I mean, Potions is my strength so it'd be nice to be even better at it."

"I guess so," Snape said resignedly. He inspected her thoughtfully. "It appears that you need some new robes, Miss Potter."

Lily looked down at herself. He was quite right – her robes now only reached her mid-calves. She giggled. "Oh, yeah. I must have grown."

"I'm going to Diagon Alley in a couple of days to stock up on ingredients. I suppose I could lower myself to taking you with me. I had no idea that girls could grow so fast."

She laughed, amused but astonished. Snape had made a joke? After all he had been through he could still find the strength to make a joke? She shook her head in awe. "Thanks."

"Pleasure," he said, almost automatically. But not quite. "Oh, and Miss Potter?"

She looked up at him. "Sir?"

"Dungeons, nine o'clock tomorrow. Do not be late."

Lily smiled wryly. "But then again, sir, you can't take points off if I am late, can you? Not during the holidays." This was true. Since most students had decided that going home was much more fun, the point system was suspended during the holidays.

A flicked of extreme annoyance crossed Snape's worn face. "If you are late, Miss Potter, you will spend the rest of the holidays in the library researching porcupine quills. I can assure you it will be of great help to me. So I suggest you be on time."

Lily searched desperately for a reply, but could not fine one. "Bugger," she muttered, hurrying away.

"I heard that."

Lily knew that she should really be practising her Charms, or Transfiguration, or something, but somehow she didn't care. _It's the holidays_, she reasoned. _I can do what I want. And I love Potions._

That evening, Lily said goodbye to her friends, who were leaving for home. She was not by nature a sociable person, and so trying to make friends with Gryffindors from other years did not appeal to her. So she went to the library to start deciding what she might do tomorrow. Half an hour of reading, and her eyelids began to droop. Thankful that she would not have to spend the whole holidays with her head in musty books, she climbed slowly up to bed.

As she was drifting off to sleep, pushing worries to the back of her mind as she always did, Lily wondered why Snape did in fact enjoy her company. She knew why she loved his – he was clever, complex and brave. But why did he spend time with her? He trusted her father, but that did not necessarily merit trust in her. The only thing she could possibly think of was that she was the only person who had probed so deeply into his past. But he was a strong man, and a teacher; surely he would be able to easily evade her questions? Why did he choose to tell her? And would he tell her why if she asked him?

Lily resolved to ask him tomorrow, and expertly erased the thought from her mind. Snape's voice suddenly sounded in her mind. _You are the master of only thinking what you want to think, Miss Potter._

A/N: As always, I need reviews to continue. They are my food, my nourishment. Sorry this chapter took so long, I'm hoping that as we have school holidays now it'll be quicker!


	7. Father, Daughter, Teacher, Friend

Chapter 7

A/N: God I am really getting impatient with this story – I know where it's going but there's a lot of stuff I have to write before I can get there! How annoying!

Also, my utter, heartfelt thanks to everyone who has reviewed me so far. Except Sparks! I could not survive without such ardent and sincere (I'm hoping) appreciation of my work. I'm hoping fervently that soon I will be able to stop writing fanfiction and start on something original which can be published. But that won't happen for a while, and until then I'm having way too much fun with this story!

*********

Snape was not at breakfast the next morning. Lily noticed this straightaway as she entered the Great Hall, but nevertheless she ate quickly and was down in the dungeons by nine o'clock. He was adjusting the valve on a flask filled with purple liquid. He looked as if he had been up all night without food: his hair hung limply on his shoulders, his clothes were rumpled and stained.

Suddenly Lily no longer wanted to ask him why he told her about his past. He was clearly tired and probably ill – she couldn't push him any more.

"What do you want me to do, Professor?"

Snape looked up sharply at her, then sighed. His eyes, although still guarded, had lines about them and were too fatigued to show any of the usual intense emotions. Lily was thankful for this: she did not want another confrontation.

Without warning, Snape began to give her instructions in a low, weary voice. Most of the work was fairly elementary – he obviously wanted to make sure that she was really good at Potions. Lily followed his orders carefully and without fault, determined to impress him. A couple of times he raised his eyebrow at her, but did not comment.

Soon lunch arrived, for which Lily went to the Great Hall and Snape stayed in the dungeons. She did not ask him to come to eat with her; nor did she offer to stay with him. Somehow she felt that he would not be happy at this.

After lunch they worked mainly in silence – Lily because she needed to concentrate and Snape presumably because he was too tired to make conversation. Lily enjoyed the work, mostly because it was a joy to be able to work on her potions for hours without interruption. She also felt surprisingly safe in Snape's dungeons, though she would never admit it. The tall Potions master exuded a reassuring air of knowing exactly what he was doing. _It was a shame,_ Lily mused, _that the atmosphere didn't rub off onto some of his students._

At the end of the day, Lily cleared away and made to leave. As she walked under the doorframe, she heard Snape's voice. "Miss Potter."

She stopped, turned around. He quickly strode towards her, stopped and regarded her with a calculating look. Then he nodded slightly. "You've worked well today." It was all the praise she was likely to get, Lily knew.

"Diagon Alley tomorrow – I've got permission from Dumbledore. Oh – and if you have nothing better to do this evening, I would like a four-thousand word essay on how you would separate basilisk venom from standard swamp water. If it's good enough, I may let you try the experiment when we get back tomorrow."

Lily stared at him in amazement. "Basilisk venom? Isn't that the most potent poison there is?"

Snape nodded wryly. "I shall expect your essay to be _very_ good, Miss Potter."

She gulped and nodded, then sped on to the Great Hall.

*************

Diagon Alley explored with Snape was interesting, if not a little embarrassing. People kept staring, and one or two actually asked Snape if Lily was his daughter. Lily had to watch each time as Snape struggled to explain that in fact he did not have a daughter, and that Lily was his student. A few people in Lily's year were shopping for wizarding accessories, and Lily had to almost pretend that she wasn't with him to avoid snickers and snide remarks.

When Snape noticed that Lily was keeping her distance from him, he stopped and looked down at her, the hint of a smile playing around his lips. "Ashamed to be seen with me, Miss Potter?" he teased.

Lily looked down, ashamed that she had been so obvious. After that, she kept fairly close to him. Snape was good at silencing unwanted remarks, and he seemed surprisingly comfortable with being stared at. _But then he's had to cope with that all his life,_ Lily realised. _He's worn the title of 'Evillest Teacher' for years now, so he must be used to being avoided all the time._

After the two of them got back from Diagon Alley, they got back to work. Unusually, Snape did not consider Lily's essay good enough for her to use basilisk venom. Lily suspected privately that he would not have let her do it anyway, that it had just been a bribe to make her do extra work. She didn't mind. Every extra essay, every needless potion she completed was useful to her.

In the week or so before Christmas, Lily learned an enormous amount from the tall, dark Potions Master. Although he did not allow her to help him with the orders from the Ministry of Magic (presumably on the orders of Dumbledore), he still set her more exciting and interesting work than she had ever done before. She learned to make Invisibility Potions, a Laughter Potion, a Shrinking Potion and many others. She even watched Snape brew a Draught of the Living Death. Lily suspected that she was an excellent audience. She shuddered and gasped when Snape added phoenix feathers, and the potion turned a deep black, darker even than Snape's eyes. The torches in the dungeon flared, and the Potion Master's eyes seemed to almost glitter. Lily had a fleeting thought that Snape had a perverse enjoyment of making this particular potion. Why this was she could not say. Perhaps it sprung from his having been a Death Eater, having been trained to kill ruthlessly and without exception. She could tell that once, Snape would have had not qualms about killing somebody he didn't know, even without a good reason. The ruthlessness he had once possessed was shown by every movement of his body, every turn of his head. Although gone now in direct form, it still haunted Snape's movements.

On Christmas Eve, Lily decided to ask Snape if they would be working the next day. She didn't have anything better to do, but there was something a little unwholesome about spending the whole of Christmas Day down in a dungeon with only a tall, lonely teacher for company. She knew her family would not approve.

When she asked him, Snape smiled mysteriously. "We'll see," was all he said. Lily left the dungeon smiling but puzzled. She was fairly sure that Snape had no intention of forcing her to work on Christmas Day. But surely he would have given her a straight answer? What could change between now and tomorrow that would alter their plans.

As Lily got ready for bed, her mind suddenly and without warning leapt to her family. This would be her first Christmas without them, their first without her. And there was still no word from her father. 

For the first time in months Lily allowed herself to think about her father directly, and slowly her defences crumbled as her body collapsed into racking sobs. Throwing herself onto her bed, Lily wept angry tears well into the night, her shouts of fury echoing from the windows and out across the castle grounds. Slowly, as her body became exhausted, her anguish subsided, and she fell into a deep sleep.

**********

On Christmas morning, Lily woke very early. Her dreamless sleep had refreshed her body, although her face was blotched and her hair untidy from last night's outburst. Lily in fact felt fairly happy. She dressed quickly and went down to the common room, looking around expectantly for the pile of presents from her family. She had bought them all gifts in Diagon Alley with a reluctant Snape tagging behind.

But there were only two presents and a few cards here. Shrugging as if to pretend that it didn't bother her, Lily knelt down and began to open the cards. They were all from her classmates, except one from Dumbledore, and one present was a wizard chess set from Hannah. Lily smiled at this: as well as being an Auror, Hannah's father was the wizard chess champion.

The other present was thin and flat, without a tag or card. It was wrapped in paper which appeared black at first. But when Lily looked at it further, she saw colours rippling over its surface. She gasped at the beauty of the whole thing. Carefully she tugged at the paper, desperate not to rip it. The paper came flowing off the present, hanging in folds as Lily realised that it was actually liquid silk, the most expensive wizard fabric. _Very_ expensive.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, Lily turned her attention to the present itself. It appeared to be a small book bound with black leather and edged in silver. As Lily flipped it open in the middle, a folded piece of parchment fell out, sealed with dark green wax. It was addressed simply to 'Lily.' The script looked vaguely familiar, and Lily could not remember where she had seen it before. Without any more thought she ripped it open, eyes raking over the parchment as she unfolded it. There were two lines of black lettering in a beautiful sloping script. Immediately Lily recognised the writing – Snape's.

_From teacher to student,_

_Thank you._

Lily read the words five times, and finally looked up from the paper. Snape had given her a present? The sincerity of his words touched her, and without warning she felt a small lump in her throat. She shook herself crossly. _Don't be stupid,_ she told herself. _He's just thanking you for helping him with the Potions._

But had she actually helped him? He had not let her make anything for the Ministry of Magic – he had simply accommodated her wishes to learn more about Potions. There had been nothing in it for him.

Suddenly a voice sounded in her head: _Open the book!_ Lily could have sworn it was Snape's voice, but quickly dismissed this to be impossible. Nevertheless she obeyed the instructions and opened the book again. The first page read only: 'Potions.' This word was also in Snape's script, and so, as Lily discovered as she flicked through the thin pages, was the rest of the book. Most pages contained more recipes, carefully copied out in the Potion Master's effortlessly beautiful handwriting. There were also a few line drawings, presumably also done by him, of what happened to people when things went wrong. A couple of the pictures made Lily shudder.

The last few pages were headed 'Power with Potions.' There were no lists of ingredients here, just solid writing. Curiously Lily began to read.

Ever since potion-mixing was first created, there have been people with a strange understanding for the complexity of the subject. It is believed that these people are able to work their own magic into their potions, increasing the potency and often causing the potions to have odd effects. These people are called the Aurora, named after the strange phenomenon known as the Northern Lights that has a strange effect on anyone who beholds it. They also represent a dawn for the Potion Masters, a new awakening of potion brewing. 

The first Aurora was in fact Rowena Ravenclaw, although this fact is not widely known. She passed this power down, not to her descendants, but to anyone she considered worthy. Some of her choices caused immense controversy but always the power of the Aurora's potions overrode any argument.

At present there is only one known Aurora in the world: Severus Snape, the Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His task, originally laid upon him by Dumbledore, the present Heir of Gryffindor, is to find a pupil worthy to follow him and to hopefully assist the Light side in conquering all Dark Magic, especially Lord Voldemort. The potions of an Aurora are of such a power that a strong poison brewed by them is believed to be able to kill any Death Eater or suchlike who consumes it. They will play in infinitely important role in bringing the Dark Lord finally to death.

Mysteries of the Cauldron – Severus Snape 

Lily finally finished the passage with a sigh, blinking with the effort to decipher the elegant script, and gingerly closed the small book. She was completely overwhelmed by the sudden tumult of emotions that swept her. Gratitude, fear, astonishment, confusion and many others overpowered her and left her shaking with tears standing in her eyes. She did not understand the significance of the passage she had read, but was perceptive enough to realise that she would probably find out from the author soon enough. And that meant that she had to go down and see him.

Just before Lily was about to leave, she looked again around the common room in case there were some presents that she hadn't spotted. Nothing. Forcing herself to turn away and not think about it for now, she shuddered once and then continued down to the Great Hall.

Breakfast on Christmas Day at Hogwarts turned out to be just like any other meal. There were no crackers, no Christmas music, no indication of the huge dinner that was to come later. Only the two huge trees standing either side of the staff table gave any sign of the importance of this day.

As Lily ate breakfast, she allowed the tiny rational portion of her brain to think about her family. There were probably a dozen reasons why the presents from them hadn't arrived. It was winter: the owl, or owls as Lily hoped, could have been delayed in bad weather. There could be traffic in the sky. Either of these reasons, along with many more, could easily account for why the presents were not here. Assuming they'd been sent …

She sighed and stuck her chin out stubbornly. _It's Christmas,_ she told herself. _Stop being miserable, you'll make everyone else unhappy too. _Still, she couldn't help but feel a strange aching in her chest for some sign that her family loved her. The present from Snape was wonderful, but it was not enough …

Suddenly there was a huge bang from the far end of the hall. Everyone at the table looked up sharply. The doors to the Great Hall had been flung open, and in the doorway stood a tall skinny man with round glasses and untidy black hair …

"Daddy!" Lily screamed as she leapt from the table and raced down to him. Her father smiled knowingly as she flung herself onto him, sobbing and laughing at the same time. With difficulty and a slightly pained look he lifted her gently. "You've grown, Lily."

She smiled brokenly and wiped her eyes. "You know I hate surprises!"

"Indeed," he replied, his eyes dancing. Abruptly he lowered her to the ground and held her close, muffling her murmur of 'I love you.'

"Touching, Mr Potter." Lily and her father looked up. Snape had joined them, a wry smile playing around his lips.

Harry laughed. "Severus," he acknowledged.

"You're late," Snape told him.

Lily stared at Snape for a few moments, a dreadful suspicion growing in her mind. "You – you didn't -"

"Yes, Miss Potter, I am afraid I did know. But I was sworn to secrecy. Surely you can't blame me for that?"

She stuck out her tongue at him. It was childish, she knew, but it was the only way she could express how she felt. "I can blame you if I want, Professor."

Harry turned quickly to Snape, a worried look in his eye. "I need to speak with you, Severus."

"Of course. But I believe your daughter would like a few minutes of your company. I'll give you an hour or so."

"Under the circumstances I'm not sure we _have_ an hour or so, Severus," Harry said rather pointedly. "Make it twenty minutes."

Snape nodded slowly, and after staring hard at Lily for a few seconds turned and strode back to the staff table.

Harry bent down to Lily. "Follow me, darling." He led her quickly out of the Hall and into an empty classroom, then turned to her. "Lily, I can't stay for very long. My business in Europe is not yet finished. I'm going to have to leave in an hour. I just wanted to drop in and see how you are, and wish you Happy Christmas. And to give you these." Hoisting his bag from his shoulder, Harry began to take numerous parcels from it, all wrapped in bright paper. "Your presents, Lily."

Smiling in satisfaction, Lily began to rip open the parcels. Suddenly she stopped as what Harry had said sank in. "You're going away again?"

Her father sighed. "I'm sorry, love, but it can't be helped. We're really getting somewhere, and I have to be at the forefront of it all."

Lily stopped, and slumped to the floor in despair. Numbly she shook her head, whispering. "Not again. Not again."

"Lily -"

She jumped up, shaking her head furiously. "How can you do this, Dad? How can you just run off and leave all the people you love?" Tears were running down her cheeks. She knew she was being silly, that getting rid of Voldemort always had to come first, before friends, before family …

Harry groaned in despair. "Lily, please, love, please understand …"

"Understand?" she screamed. "How can you say that? Of course I understand. You want to go and kill this wizard on some petty revenge scheme, and you don't care how much it hurts anyone else! What about all the other people Voldemort hurt? Why must it always be you who does the hunting? Why can't you just be like a normal father?" Lily dissolved into sobs.

Her father lowered himself onto a desk. Blurred through her tears, Lily could see his self-loathing expression, could sense the worry she was causing him, but she didn't care. All she could think about was that her father was leaving her again.

"Lily, I may as well just go now. But I came by to give you this." He handed her a small package, separate from the other. "I have to go and talk to Snape now." Cautiously he approached her, then drew her into a warm embrace. Lily pushed him away in disgust. He looked at her helplessly for a moment. And then he was gone.

*******

A/N: Hey, everyone, please review, I'd love to know what you think! Sorry this chapter is kinda long, they seemed to be extending themselves. You don't mind, do you?


	8. Nothing Left

Chapter 8

A/N: It's the holidays now, so I'm hopefully gonna be updating more often. I am having sooo much fun with Snape. I suppose I had better throw in another disclaimer, too.

Disclaimer: Snape is not mine. sigh He's sooo lovely and sweet. Lily is mine, Hannah is mine, Henry Crabbe and Limus Malfoy are mine. That's about it. No one else is. Especially Snape. What a shame.

*****

Snape waited impatiently for Harry in his dungeon. He assumed that he would not be long, considering how hasty he had seemed when he had arrived, but one never knew with Harry. Absently, Snape fiddled with a black crystal on his desk, and then finally gave over to staring deep into its depths. There was little he could not predict inside.

… two commanding red eyes, slit nostrils, a thin tight mouth, forming the words: 'Come, Severus. Join us…'

Snape snapped back to the cold emptiness of his dungeon. He was breathing quickly, and his skin felt clammy.

Suddenly the door burst open, and Harry strode in, his face grim. Snape immediately got himself back under control. "Harry?"

"I have to go away again, Severus. We're so close. I have to go back and finish it off. I don't know how long it will take. I know we've got him this time, but I can't guarantee that I'll be back soon. Or … at all."

Snape regarded him gravely. "Have you told Lily?"

"Well … sort of. I told her I was going away. Severus, you know that with my blood in him it's very unlikely that I will survive if Voldemort dies. You know that."

"I know, Harry. What do you want me to do?" Suddenly Snape was annoyed with this skinny man. What right had he to go off and leave his daughter so alone? "So what, she's just going to sit here for a few – what? Months? Years? Not having any idea where you are or what's happening to you?"

"Not you as well." Harry's mouth twisted in a bitter sneer. "Lily wasn't too happy either. I gave her the token, but she didn't open it."

"You gave it to her? Are you sure that's the right thing to do? What if you do come back, and she's assumed the rank of heir of Gryffindor already? What if you come back to find her headmistress of Hogwarts, and everyone else certain that you're dead?"

Harry looked a little confused, as if he did not understand why Snape was so worked up. "Severus," he said patiently. "I didn't have any choice. If the token's destroyed – you know what that means. It'll be safe with Lily."

Snape sighed resignedly, although this time he was not amused. "I hope you're right, Harry. I really do."

"Severus, if I don't come back -" He broke off, looking away, mouth open as if the words were frozen on his lips. "Look after Lily."

"Potter, she's got her family!" Snape regretted calling Harry by his last name as soon as he said it, but he ignored the flash of guilt. "What need could she possibly have of me?"

"Her mother and brother and sister don't understand. Ginny's so proud of her … she's under so much pressure. As a Potter. As a Gryffindor."

"What, and I'm supposed to understand? I don't pretend to know what she's going through, Harry."

"But you don't judge people. You never expect more from them than is necessary. You're the only person I know who doesn't do that."

"Harry, she's got a gift. A strange gift." Snape gathered himself to deliver the blow to his dearest friend. "She's an Aurora."

The younger man leapt up as if a snake had bitten him. "An Aurora. A Potions Mistress." He shook his head in disbelief, then looked up into Snape's face. "Isn't that kind of unnatural?"

"Don't ask me to fathom the way nature works," Snape spat. "All I know is that she's got the gift, and that she could help you so much if you'd let her. She's been spending a … rather unwholesome amount of time in the dungeons, and her work is incredible. What can she do to help you?"

Harry smiled suddenly, although his eyes were still a mixture of worry and hurt. "I suppose, now you mention it, a few barrels of Invisibility mixture wouldn't do any harm. And we're fast running out of healing potions."

"I've kept everything Lily's ever made. I'll get it to you somehow."

"Thank you. I'd better go."

Snape smiled thinly at his friend, and then grasped Harry's arm warmly. "Be careful, Harry."

"I intend to."

No more was said; nothing else was needed. The two men instinctively understood the great bond they had, and both acknowledged and accepted it. Before the connection between them had been hazy, vague, but now it was clear where it lay. Lily.

*****

Lily ran wildly back to her dormitory. She could not even sob now, her body was seized with such grief that great shudders ran through her in an attempt to complete such an immense sob. Tears fell unnoticed onto the stone floor as she ran. As she passed the staff room, Professor McGonagall looked out to see what was wrong, and then drew back, terrified of the girl's reaction. Snape, who was just returning, covered his eyes in dejection.

When she got to the dormitory, Lily was surprised to find that her presents had somehow been transported up there for her. She reached out for them, tears still falling and soaking the bedclothes, and then suddenly realised that she already had something in her hand. The special package from her father.

Slowly she turned it over and over, looking for some hint as to what it was, but to no avail. Then in one quick move, she tore the plain brown paper off and let the present drop onto her bed. Discarding the wrappings, Lily lifted from her blanket a tarnished silver pendant of a rearing lion, hung on a silver chain. Engraved just below the lion were the words 'Godric Gryffindor.' The necklace of Gryffindor's heir.

As the full implications of the gift from her father hit her, Lily froze. Suddenly she hurled the pendant away from her, and it fell onto the floor behind another bed with a loud clink. Then she screamed, louder than she had ever imagined was possible for an eleven-year-old girl. "DADDY!"

*****

Pacing up and down in the grounds, Snape heard the cry and shuddered. 

*****

The next morning, Lily woke feeling refreshed in body but not in mind. In fact, she had never felt so miserable. Although thoughts of yesterday morning's confrontation, and then her afternoon spent mindlessly staring at her bedroom wall made her chest heave in anguish, she could not cry any more tears. There was nothing left to cry.

She was about to turn over and go back to sleep when she caught sight of the book from Snape on her bedside table.  The note, lying folded on top of it: From teacher to pupil, Thank you. She couldn't let Snape down now. Miserably she climbed out of bed and started to dress.

When she got to the dungeons she was half an hour late. Snape did not appear to notice her but carried on working. He seemed to be throwing himself into the potion utterly and grimly, as if desperately trying to forget all else. Lily was strongly reminded of how her father looked sometimes when he came back from a trip: he would methodically drink every bottle of alcohol in the house until he was unconscious. Her mother would become tearful, nervous and panicky, and Lily would just end up going to bed.

This time, Snape had chosen potions over alcohol (and Lily knew that there were spirits available), but he was none the better for it. Wordlessly he gestured to a cauldron with some papers lying next to it and turned away, but not quickly enough for Lily to miss the glint of tears in his eyes.

The thought that she might not be the only one to miss her father made her feel horribly guilty, and fresh tears pricked at her eyes. Sticking her chin out stubbornly, Lily also threw herself into making the potion, concentrating on nothing else but leech juice, dried lacewings and pond water for the first few hours. The time dragged by as she stirred the cauldron, doggedly occupying herself for the whole time writing down numbers even when there was nothing else to add.

Suddenly there was a huge explosion, and Lily was thrown back as blue liquid shot out of her cauldron. Some of it splashed onto her arm, and it seared her veins. It was almost as if someone had lit a fire under her skin. Tears came easily now, and she wept even as she fetched a cloth to clear up the mess with her throbbing arm.

As she crouched down to begin to wipe the floor, she felt strong hands on her shoulders drag her up and turn her around. Snape stared down at her, his expression unreadable. Then slowly he drew her into a tentative hug, rubbing her back comfortingly. Lily relaxed into his embrace, and cried quietly in his arms as he stood with her.

How long they stayed like this neither of them knew. But after a time it felt right to part, and Lily began to go back to clearing the floor. Snape watched her for a few seconds with a bemused expression, then quickly drew out his wand and muttered a few words. The blue liquid instantly vanished, and the cauldron suddenly became empty and clean. The unused ingredients immediately flew back to their pots in the store cupboard.

Lily looked up at Snape, astonished that he had actually been lenient on her about clearing up. Snape looked down, as if he were unsure why he himself had done it. Then he raised his head, and gave her a very direct look. "Miss Potter."

"Professor?" Lily replied politely. She had no idea where this was going, so she thought she had better be respectful.

"Do you want to help your father?"

Lily wanted to exclaim: "What?" but somehow she did not think this would be appreciated. Still, she did not know exactly what the Potions Master meant. "Well – yes, I suppose so. Why do you ask?"

Snape appeared to be considering his words very carefully. "Miss Potter … did you read the section in the book I gave you about the Aurora?"

The book! In all her self-pity, Lily had forgotten to thank him for the book! "Yes, I did. Thank you for that, it's -"

He raised a pale hand to cut her off. "I don't need thanks, Miss Potter, I did it for your benefit. Do you understand what the Aurora are?"

"I think so … they're like Aurors, except with Potions, aren't they?"

"That's one way of putting it, I suppose. You have a remarkable gift with Potions, Miss Potter, and I have significant reason to believe that … well, that you yourself might be an Aurora."

What was he saying? That she, Lily Potter, was some sort of Potions Mistress? "You're joking," she said flatly. 

"Unfortunately, Miss Potter, I am far from teasing you. This is a very serious matter. Your father could use your help. Your potions … and incidentally, mine, are the most powerful in the world. Although you only have a relatively basic understanding of the subject, you are able to work your own magic and possibly even the magic of Gryffindor into your potions and make them very potent. You did it with the first potion you ever made. Many of your potions are, quite simply, perfect."

Lily sank down onto a stool, stunned. "So … what … you're going to send my potions to my father?"

"Not the potions you've made in lessons, no. They would not really be very useful. I don't think a Laughter Potion would help your father too much, do you?"

"I suppose not. So you want me to make some potions for him?"

"More than a few, Miss Potter. They need whole barrels of healing potions, Invisibility potion, plus a few others. I think your father is going to send me a list when he gets back to Europe. But it's up to you. This could affect your work in other subjects, and I can't deny that it will make you extremely tired. It is your choice whether you take this on or not."

Was the man mad? Did he actually think that she would turn down the chance to help her father defeat Voldemort? "Of course I'll help!" she exclaimed. "What do I need to do?"

"On page thirty-three of the book I gave you – you have it with you?"

She pulled out the small black book and waved it in front of him. Then she turned to page thirty-three. "Burn Potion."

"You can start by brewing a few cauldrons of that." Snape turned and strode back to his cauldron, which was hissing angrily.

Lily sat for long enough to let a huge smile break over her face, and then she too went to her cauldron and started to brew.

*****

And so it was, and as weeks turned into months, and months turned into years, Lily brewed countless potions for her father and the Aurors in Europe. Snape was always there with a word of criticism or praise, and together they provided some of the essential tools that Harry Potter would need to defeat You-Know-Who, the Dark Lord, Voldemort.

A/N: Ooooooh, this is getting exciting! I'm getting to the bit I really want to write now, so it might all come up fairly quickly. 


	9. Smiles and Chills

Chapter 9

A/N: I'm not gonna waste time, just read the damn thing! I've laboured on it for a while and now I can't think of anything to say.

Lily was tired. Ever since she had agreed to make potions to send to her father, she had been tired. She worked late into the night, every night, brewing endless healing potions, countless Invisibility potions and an infinite number of sense-enhancing potions. And standing in the shadows of the room would always be a tall, sallow-skinned man with an impassive face and deep, probing eyes. Watching her.

*****

Severus knew that he was killing her. Allowing her to work at such length was wearing her thin, causing dark shadows to encircle her eyes and a drawn expression to ensnare her face. With any other student, he would have stopped this long before now. He certainly would not have let it go on for three years as it had. Without any sign that it might stop. 

But with Lily, it was different. Watching this quiet, mature girl work was somehow relaxing, calming. It lulled him into a sense of peace that he had not felt in years … not since … her grandmother. Lily Evans had had that same subconscious grace, the same essence of maturity and calm. 

Despite the huge age gap between them, Severus felt … drawn to Lily. Drawn was the only word he could think of to describe how he felt about her, since his emotions were in far too much of a tangle to deduce anything further. He was not in love with her … could not be … _was not_. But there was _something_.

*****

It was Lily's fourth year at Hogwarts now, and she attended her classes with a kind of resigned wry acceptance. Her favourite class, was, of course, Potions, but she enjoyed everything, not least Defence Against the Dark Arts, taught by her great-godfather. Sirius Black had been somewhat of a confidant to her father, and the warmth between the two of them was revealed in the affection Sirius showed Lily herself.

There had been no word from her father since the last Christmas holidays, when he had sent her a brief letter to thank her for the potions. Now, in the summer term and the run up to exams, Lily was going about her work in grim solitude, denying herself the possibility of thinking that anything could possibly have happened to her dad. She was more intent on brewing the potions for him than ever, for she knew that he was probably very close to Voldemort, hence the lack of contact. She could not let him down just when he was most likely to need her potions.

Lily had almost completely given up on homework, unless it was for Snape. She needed the time in the Potions lab more than anything she could learn in Care of Magical Creatures or Muggle Studies. Potions had become her life, her soul. She could not imagine what she would do if anyone took her potions away from her. Or if anyone took away … she could not bring herself to think his name, but through an immense self-will forced herself. Severus Snape.

Her opinion of the Potions Master had changed so much since she had first heard about him. There had been a time when her feelings towards him were less than warm. That had been before she had even met him. As soon as she had looked at him, she had known that he could not be the man everyone said he was. That he was different. 

Now, as a rapidly maturing fifteen-year-old, her hormones were everywhere. Hannah and her other friends were all talking non-stop about boys. Caroline Hammonds, another Gryffindor fourth-year, had actually started going out with Jack Andrews, who had grown into a skinny but agreeable adolescent. Lily was frequently asked whom she would choose out of all the boys in the school. Every time her mind flitted first to Snape, before she realised that this was out of the question. She could not love him, could not want him. The very idea was absurd; he was old enough to be her grandfather. But why did his voice smooth all the tensions out of her body, why did she yearn at night to have him near her just to feel safe?

As the exams drew ever closer, Snape looked increasingly harassed. He worked late into the night, every night. Once Lily fell asleep in his dungeon and had woken at two in the morning to find him still working, having not noticed her. She had started, and he had spun around with surprise and demanded: "Are you still here?"

She had been too astonished to ask any questions, but now she wished she had at least tried to persuade him to go to bed.

One week before the exams, Lily entered the dungeon to find Snape sitting at his desk. There was no paper in front of him, only a small black crystal to which he seemed to be muttering. Curiously she edged closer, catching the odd word but not daring to try to form any coherent meaning from them. As she watched, Snape pulled out his long, flimsy-seeming wand, drew back his arm and directed the wand at the crystal, speaking one word: "Begone!" The voice he used was not his normal low murmur or even his irritable snap, but rather a command so intense and authoritative that had it been directed at Dumbledore, Lily was sure he would have obeyed. There was a blinding flash of light, and the crystal exploded. Lily flung up her arm to protect her face from the shards of crystal she expected to fly at her face, but felt nothing. She looked around. There was no sign of the crystal or of its remains. Snape still sat at his desk, motionless.

"Professor?" Lily asked cautiously.

Snape turned his body in his chair and looked at her. His face seemed oddly serene, and in his eyes there was a light, a sparkle of such great joy that Lily wanted to shout out just from seeing him happy. He tossed his wand onto his desk and smiled at her. Not a thin, weary smirk, or a sarcastic sneer, but a real smile. He rose from his chair, and all the ruthless power in his movements seemed to be different somehow, as if it was still there but was directed at a new cause, a new aim. The fierce tension had disappeared from his body, and all of a sudden he looked younger. 

Slowly he approached her, his eyes searching her puzzled face in desperate happiness. When he was about a metre away from her, he stuck out his left arm towards her and pulled up his sleeve. His arm was completely bare. Lily did not understand what this meant, and was about to look at his face when she suddenly realised. Her eyes widened.

_The Dark Mark had gone._

"Professor!" she whispered. "Does this mean -"

Snape nodded slowly, grinning happily. "Lily, _Voldemort is dead_. Gone. We are free, Lily."

Lily's breath caught in her throat. Voldemort dead? How could that be? Since years before she was born Voldemort had been there. He had always been there, a continuing threat to their security. There had always been the odd death to remind them that if Voldemort wished them dead, then there was nothing they could do to defy him. How could he be gone?

"Dead?" she asked with a frown.

"Dead, Lily." Snape raised his face to the ceiling. His gaze seemed to penetrate through the ceiling, through the whole castle, up to the sky. "We are free!" 

Suddenly, Lily understood. He was gone. Truly gone. He would never again darken their day with ruthless, cruel killings or merciless torture of the innocent. A great surge of joy rose in her as she too lifted her face to the eternal sky. The ecstasy inside her grew until she felt as if she would explode, and she opened her mouth and unleashed it, yelling to the sky in wild bliss. At exactly the same moment Snape too raised his voice, and their two cries intertwined in a strange harmony of sheer delight. As she let the air course out of her lungs, Lily turned the yell into song. Snape quickly understood, and they launched into an old wizarding song that seemed to flow naturally out of their bodies. Lily had never heard the song before, let alone sung it, but somehow she knew exactly which notes to sing. She was fairly sure Snape did not know the song either, but that he also was being guided by some unknown power. His voice was unschooled, but he did not let any of the notes slide, and the sound that issued from his lips was pure with joy. Even the dungeon they were standing in seemed to join in with the song, complex harmonies emanating from its depths. Lily looked at Snape in happy astonishment, and he smiled gently back even as he sang.

As they reached the climax of the hymn, there was a burst of sound, echoing from all around them. The very castle, every single living soul in its grounds and for many miles around was joining in with the song, almost without knowing it. The huge mass of sound rose up to the heavens, and even Muggles going about their everyday lives felt somehow refreshed and enlightened for no particular reason. The earth herself rejoiced at Voldemort's death, and everything felt her elation.

The song finished, Lily sank onto the floor, exhausted. She was still brimming with happiness, although it was more controlled. So much could happen now Voldemort was gone. She could see her family again … her whole life would be a huge celebration. She could rejoice with her friends, her father …

_Her father._

A chill went through her even as she smiled, and she suddenly felt her happiness cut off as her mind was engulfed by question.

She looked at Snape. He was watching her uncertainly. "Lily?" he asked.

"Snape … where's Dad?"

Her teacher suddenly bowed his head in distress. "There's - there's been no word of him, Lily. I'm afraid the worst had been assumed."

Bitter fear and anger twisted through Lily's body. Her father could not be dead – not now. Not after all the joy she had just experienced. He had to be out there somewhere, sharing in it all. She shook her head stubbornly. "You're wrong. He's alive."

"I know."

She looked at him sharply. His expression was unfathomable but once again his eyes betrayed his emotions, and he seemed totally sincere. He reached down to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. "I think he's alive too, Lily. I believe you."

"Then where is he?"

"I don't know." 

That was the first time Lily had ever heard him confess to not knowing something. It was frightening. For the past three and a half years, Snape had been her stone, her support to lean on. He always seemed to know everything; he could reassure her whenever she felt unsure or confused. Somehow his earnest statement that he did not know where her father was stabbed into Lily's heart and twisted. Right after she had felt such wondrous joy at Voldemort's death, her entire world was being torn apart. Her father was missing, presumed dead, and the one person she had always been able to rely on could not help her. She felt utterly helpless. 

Without another word, Lily turned and fled to her room to dwell again in silent mystery. 

A/N: Awww, poor Lily! Where's her father? Is he actually alive? What will she and Snape do if he's dead? _Find out in the next thrilling instalment, up soon! _Hehehe oh and please review!


	10. Minds Together, Minds Apart

Chapter 10

A/N: Ok, I really don't have anything to say that I haven't said already, so I'll just get on with it, shall I?

*****

Since the news of Voldemort's death, the whole school had been in perpetual celebration. Dumbledore had immediately proclaimed an indefinite holiday. The exams had been cancelled, much to everyone's relief. Actual learning had been suspended until further notice. Even Professor Trelawney (who despite not being an actual Seer had still done nothing to lose her job at Hogwarts) was walking around with a smile on her face, beaming at everyone and for once not predicting someone's death. The whole wizarding world felt utterly invincible, and nothing could spoil their happiness.

Snape and Lily were the only ones with any reason not to be cheerful. It was now three weeks since Snape had told Lily that Voldemort was gone, and there had still been no word from Harry. As there were no lessons any more, Lily had nothing to do, and so she spent her days down in the Potions lab. Potion-making was the only thing that could take her mind off her father, and weaving her magic into the swirling liquid left her feeling too exhausted to think about him at night. 

It was during this period that Lily was most grateful for Snape's presence. Over the last three years, he had become almost as much of a father as Harry, although there was something slightly different in their bond. He somehow knew exactly what she was feeling, and although he could not completely ease her mind, he always said the right things. 

By now, Lily was making NEWT level potions, and knew at least three times as much as her classmates about ingredients and methods. She had joked once that she felt capable of passing her Potions NEWT there and then, and Snape had replied that she could without the slightest trace of humour or insincerity. 

One day in the fun but admittedly similar weeks that now comprised Lily's existence, she came across a most interesting discovery. While waiting for one of her potions to ferment, she was browsing Snape's private library. He had an amazing number of books on Potions, more than Lily believed it would be possible to write. While she was running her fingers along the spines of the books, creating a thin line in the dust that coated their covers, Lily found the book Snape had written and quoted in his first Christmas present to her.

_Mysteries of the Cauldron, by Severus Snape._

On an overwhelming compulsion Lily drew out the thick, heavy book from the shelves and opened it. She quickly found the section Snape had copied out into her handbook. After rereading it, she noticed that it continued, and so she read on:

One particular skill unique to the Aurora is the ability to read each other's minds. They are able to use telepathy to talk to each other silently and to implant thoughts mentally in their minds. As there have never been more than two known Aurora in the world at any one time, this talent has never been fully explored, and so the limits have not been found as regards range and various other factors. However, it is clear that with practice this could become an extremely useful skill to possess, and the entire 'good' wizarding world could benefit enormously from it.

Lily lifted her head from the pages. Could this be true? Could Snape in fact read her mind, could he know exactly what she was thinking? And more to the point, could she read his?

_-Yes, I do know what you are thinking, and yes, with practice, you could read my mind.-_ Snape's voice sounded clearly in her head. -_I've spoken to you several times this way before now. Haven't you noticed?-_

Lily shook her head in disbelief, looking around for Snape. He appeared to have left, and so purposefully she set about projecting her reply back. She tried a few different states of mind before she found that a calm, still air was the easiest way. -_Have you been reading my mind then, Professor?-_

-A few times, yes. You haven't been guarding your thoughts; I could have picked them out of your head any time I wanted.-

-Teach me how to guard them, then. I don't want you to be able to tell what I'm thinking all the time!-

_-Oh, I don't know, it might be quite useful,- _he teased. Then, when she started to whine at him, he relented. _–Oh, all right, Lily. Picture your mind as a mass of interwoven threads, glowing with coloured light. I don't know what colour it'll be,-_ he said before she could ask. _–That depends on your personality.-_

_-What colour is your mind?- _she asked.

­-Green. Go on, picture your mind. Concentrate on it, don't think about anything else. You need to empty your mind.-

Lily tried to focus on her mind, and slowly an image appeared of entwined copper threads, expanding as more of her concentration flowed into it. As it grew, it started to glow, getting brighter and brighter as all other thoughts cleared from her mind.

_-Copper,­-_ Snape murmured. _–Interesting. Now draw the threads in towards the centre of the mass, and imagine a very bright white line around them, protecting them.-_

Lily did as she was told. It was very difficult to keep the concentration, and beads of perspiration began to stand out on her forehead. As she held the protective circle around her threads of her thoughts, she felt a tentative push against it by a single green thread. Determinedly she held the image in place as the thread probed the protective barrier, moving around it excruciatingly slowly as it searched for gaps and weak spots. When it was nearly halfway round and showed no signs of stopping, Lily projected another thought out to the green thread. _–Go away.-_

_-Sorry.-_ Snape's voice sounded surprised. _-I was just  testing it. It is possible to break through the line if you know what you're doing, so it can't be weak or erratic.-_

_-I see,- _Lily answered. ­–_I suppose you'd better finish checking it, then.-_

Snape did so, and then told her: _-If your barrier was weak, Lily, I could break through into your thoughts and control them. If I wanted to, I could probably make you go mad. I could even switch off your thinking power so you wouldn't be able to do anything. There are some horrific things that can happen. Even if someone isn't an Aurora, they can still break through and mess up your head. So your barrier _has_ to be strong. Yours seems fine, though,-_ he added as an afterthought. Then he emerged from his hiding place in his office, and spoke aloud. "I prefer talking this way, actually. It's much easier."

"Me too," she agreed quickly. "Oh – my potion's ready." She went over to the cauldron, her mind busy with thought even as she held the protective barrier in place. Could Snape know what she thought about? When had he been reading her mind? She had thought about everything under the sun in these dungeons: her friends, family, even Snape himself. Did he know how she felt about him? _Not that you do feel anything for him,_ she told herself sternly. _He's just like a … father, or a friend. But not anything like … that._

Still, it was pretty hard to stop thinking about him. She was at an age now where she was just starting to reach out into the world and experience real life with real relationships. Most girls her age had their family and friends to fall back on if things went wrong. But Lily's father wasn't there. She needed Snape more than ever now. And he needed her. 

Lily's mind stopped abruptly at that last thought. _He needed her._ Something in his eyes when he looked at her, the way he had embraced her when she was weeping told her that this wasn't just a conceited hope. He really _did_ need her.

_And if things did happen,_ Lily thought, _then that was just too bad._

*****

A/N: My humble apologies for this being so short! There is a longer chapter coming! Oh yeah, if there are any typos in the story please just ignore them. I'm sure most of you are intelligent to work out what it's supposed to say.


	11. Chess

Chapter 11

A/N: If you are reading this story and do not plan to review it, why not? Question your conscience. It'll take you two minutes to give me a review and it would mean the world to me. Look deep into your heart. I think you'll know what's right. ;)

*****

Two months after Voldemort had been killed, the school year ended, and everyone went home. On special request of her family and, Lily suspected, Snape, she was to stay at Hogwarts for the first few weeks of the summer holidays until her family could come and collect her. Lily was actually fairly happy about this: she would probably be bored at home anyway, and the notion of a few weeks on her own with Snape was somehow appealing.

Somewhere in the blur that was the celebratory holiday, Lily had discovered that Snape had been the Hogwarts chess champion when he was younger. She immediately begged him to teach her. Snape had agreed with surprisingly little resistance and only the hint of an amused smile on his lips. Lily was looking forward eagerly to the time when she would be able to beat Hannah, having gone from not even being able to play the game. Just picturing the look on Hannah's face was motive enough to undergo _more_ teaching.

On the first day of the holidays, just as she had done in her first Christmas holidays, Lily made her way down to the dungeons. Snape was waiting for her. He had arranged a desk and two chairs in the centre of the room, and moved everything else out of the way. A chessboard, already set up, stood imposing on the desk. 

Like everything else that Snape owned, his chess set was unbelievably beautiful. The white pieces were sculpted out of pure crystal, and they twinkled in the torchlight, sending rainbows across the dungeon.

But it was the black pieces that caught Lily's eye. They were made of a stone so hard and black that utter darkness seemed to reign unquestioned in their depths. They emanated a peculiar shimmering power, and Lily shuddered at the thought of what those pieces could do. Despite this fear, though, Lily found herself seated before the white pieces. She would be white. Snape was black. It was the way things were; the way things had always been; the way things always would be.

Strangely, Snape's chess pieces did not seem to be spelled to be alive, the way most wizarding chess sets were. The Potions Master actually picked up the pieces to move them as he explained the rules to Lily. As she stared at the board and listened to his murmuring, curiously hypnotic voice, Lily felt an odd thrill course through her veins. She understood this game. Here was something she could do, something she could see and feel. The pieces seemed almost to create lines on the board, and she found herself able to understand advanced tactics as if they were nothing but basic moves.

The hours slipped away as the two of them sat in the dim light, staring as much at each other's faces as at the board, hoping to catch some indication of what their opponent was going to do.

Then, with slow deliberation, Snape moved his knight into place. 'Check … mate.' Lily blinked a few times, and then sat back in defeat. Snape's planning had been so subtle, so disguised with baits that she had immediately taken that she had no idea how close he was to winning. Until he had won.

Snape regarded her amusedly for a moment, and then also sat back in his chair. 'Good game, though,' he added brightly.

'You can afford to be cheerful, sir,' she pointed out wryly. 'You won.'

A smile flickered across Snape's features, but then he leaned forward with a serious expression. 'I won the match, Miss Potter, but you also won. You've already learnt much more about chess in a day than most people learn in their whole lives. You are already good enough to challenge most of your classmates. That sounds like a fair win to me.'

Lily considered what he had said, and nodded. He was right, of course. She _had_ learned an awful lot very quickly. Had she honestly expected to beat him? Or had she hoped that he would let her win? She did not know; she wasn't sure that she wanted to. _Why would he let you win?_ the voice in her head asked her. _Why would he risk his pride for a red-haired schoolgirl?_ Of course, Lily could not put her answer into words.

Snape watched her struggle with her thoughts for a while, and then glanced at his watch. 'Are you sure you want to spend the whole day here? Aren't there more … enjoyable things you could be doing?'

A part of Lily's mind warned her that he could be hinting for her to go, but she ignored it. 'Quite sure,' she told him.

A faint smile appeared on Snape's face. Lily could have sworn it was genuine, not sarcastic. 'Well, I'm sure you don't want another game of chess,' he said. 'So you can do something useful instead. Every year I check all my ingredients to verify that they are what it says on the label. I discovered about twenty years ago that students have a notorious habit of mixing things up.'

His casual dismissal of two decades reminded Lily just how old Snape was: he had to be around sixty. She had always ignored that fact until now, but if she was going to admit to herself that she might be in love with him, then age was going to come into it eventually. _But then,_ she reasoned,_ he's a wizard. He can look young for hundreds of years if he chooses._

Her father had told her that wizards looked how they wanted to look. If a wizard wanted to look perpetually forty, as Snape did, then he would just stop aging when he reached forty. Dumbledore had set that age a bit later, but he was a headmaster, and he needed to look old and wise.

Apart from his greasy hair and sallow skin, Lily had to admit that Snape was not bad-looking. His face was not handsome, but somehow it was attractive. His body was strong and muscular, despite the amount of time he spent at his desk, and he was not fat. He had a sort of lived-in quality that Lily had not felt in anyone else before. The sense of his touch, the feel of his warm arms around her made strange little shivers run down her spine, and she welcomed that feeling.

As Lily moved towards the stores to begin checking the ingredients, she could almost hear her inner voice mocking her. _Well, what do you know?_ it said. _You really are horribly in love with him._

_Shut up_, she told it, and set to work. She was still holding the shield around her thoughts, but every so often the image weakened, and she was forced to let it go and start again. She suspected that Snape took this opportunity to check up on her thoughts, but she made to comment on it. As her Master Aurora, he had a right to the truth and to her opinion of him, and Lily could not deny him that right, much as it embarrassed her. 

She had tried once or twice to smash through Snape's barrier, but he had held it for so long that it was almost a natural feature of him now, and she could no more break his line than she could tear off his nose.

It turned out that many of Snape's ingredients were horribly mixed up. Most of the mistakes were fairly harmless and would not have affected most potions, but Lily was aghast when she realised that someone had actually managed to substitute unicorn saliva and basilisk venom. Even Snape had shuddered slightly when she had informed him of the error.

That was another thing. Lily's friends had tirelessly drummed into her that Snape did not show his emotions, that his face was always utterly impassive. But Lily privately disagreed with this statement. Having spent so much time with Snape, she could fully appreciate his many, almost unnoticeable mannerisms. A raised eyebrow or a tightening of the mouth showed for him what shouts and laughs and tears showed for others. He was just as capable of showing emotion as anyone when he chose, but usually kept them to himself.

Lily personally preferred this silent pronouncement of feelings. It was somehow more trusting, and she felt privileged as the only one in her year able to read Snape's body language. What she could not understand was the way he acted around her. For an utterly incomprehensible reason, her receptors of his feelings shut down when he was near her, when he talked to her. She hoped – and yet did not hope – that it was the sign of the awkwardness one develops when one has a _crush_.

By now, Lily had fully accepted that her father was dead. As much as she tried to squirm away from it, the fact still held her fast and faced her down with a cold certainty.

Despite Snape's agreement to her obstinate statement a couple of months ago that her father was alive, Lily was fairly sure that he also assumed the worst now.

In a way, Lily pitied Snape even more than she pitied herself. Lily had lost a single member of the family, and though his absence left an aching emptiness inside her, her family strength and union still existed. Snape had no family, no other friends. Lily knew that her father had been his best friend, quite probably his only friend. He almost certainly felt the loss even more keenly than Lily. 

Somehow the knowledge that he wholeheartedly shared Lily's grief was comforting, and it gave her the confidence to ask Snape a question that had been on her mind for a while.

'Professor Snape?'

He turned to her, questioning, eyes filled with unease but also a desire to be needed as they always were when she asked him something. The unease presumably stemmed from the time when she had forced him to tell her so much about his past. But this time Lily's question was trivial; it could not hurt him.

'When's your birthday?'

Much to Lily's alarm and guilt, Snape's face immediately closed up. He stared at her accusingly for a moment. When she looked back, pleading, telling him silently that she was sorry, he steeled himself and nodded. 'Halloween,' he said shortly.

Lily wondered why this was so painful for him. Suddenly a thought came firmly into her mind; she was grateful to Snape for it. _This was the night your grandparents were murdered._ Lily projected the question back to Snape, who nodded again.

'It was supposed to be a birthday present,' he said in a sick voice. 'Lucius Malfoy's father showed us what was happening to Lily and James as Voldemort killed them.' Even now, Snape said the word "Lily" with angry bitterness and self-hatred. 'Then all the Death Eaters cheered and laughed, and the brought in my cake. I remember my father saying: "That's the end of that arrogant bastard and the mudblood slut … Happy Birthday, Severus!"' Snape broke off, his face contorted into a look of utter revulsion. Then he looked down, closing his eyes and pressing his lips together to prevent a cry of anger from escaping. Then he smiled bitterly. 'As you can imagine, I don't celebrate my birthday any more.'

Lily watched him carefully. She felt utterly disgusted and violated by that single act thirty years ago. How could anyone have been so cruel and insensitive? She shuddered inwardly at how Snape must have been feeling that night. 'So … when was it you left the Death Eaters?' she asked. 

'The next day. I walked out of the house and went straight to Hogwarts. Dumbledore gave me a job, partly because I'm an Aurora and partly because I was so angry. But I couldn't teach for months. I was just angry all the time!' His voice rose sharply. 'I was furious with everyone – with my students, my father, the Death Eaters, Voldemort – but most of all I was so angry at James! It was James that Voldemort wanted, not Lily! If the fool hadn't married her, she would not be dead.'

This final declaration was irrational, and Lily was sure Snape knew it. But she could understand how he felt, although she did not know how she understood. By marrying her grandmother, James Potter had placed her in terrible danger. Lily Evans had known the danger, there was no avoiding that fact. But still a great wave of anger swept over Lily at her grandfather, for erasing the person she had been so ardently compared to from her life. She would never know the first Lily, and somehow she could not forgive James for that. Her eyes burned, and she began to breath quickly with the need for revenge.

Snape placed a strong hand on Lily's shoulder. 'Your anger is somewhat belated, Miss Potter. There's nothing you can do. She is gone from our world forever.'

Reluctantly Lily got herself back under control. Once she was thinking rationally again, there was another question she wanted to ask him. 'What was she like?'

Snape sighed regretfully. Then he spread his hands. 'She was perfect. Utterly perfect. Just blinded by love.'

'Is that the only reason you hated my grandfather? Because you were jealous?'

'I suppose so. I wasn't just jealous of him because of his girlfriend, though. He had everything I'd ever wanted – friends, talent, love. It didn't take a lot of research to work out that he was the Heir of Gryffindor either. That didn't help.

'Don't get me wrong, I like Slytherin. It's my house and I'm proud of it. But I wish people would stop this ridiculous prejudice against it. We're not all evil. Just because a few people have gone Dark. It's just too bad that people can't look deeper than the snake.'

Lily felt a little burst of remorse for all the times she had talked with Hannah about how terrible Slytherin was. She put her hand on Snape's, which was still resting on her shoulder. 'My father's dead, isn't he?' Somehow it felt right to ask it.

Snape moved in front of her and bent down so his face was level with hers. 'I believe so, Lily. I believe so.'

Lily began to cry quietly. It was a peaceful sort of sorrow she felt now, not a wrenching anguish. Nevertheless Snape once again drew her into a hug, and even in the midst of her grief Lily could feel his tears mingling with hers.

After a time, they both stopped weeping, but still they remained in each other's arms. Something had changed, though. Before, there had been an overwhelming need for comfort and consolation. This had poured out with their tears, and had been replaced with a need for each other. Lily looked up into Snape's face. His eyes burned into her, making her heart flutter. She was sure he could feel the tension between them, the underlying passion, just as she could.

They were standing much as they had been last time she had cried his arms, but somehow Snape's smell penetrated into her more fully, his embrace seemed more intimate. Lily was almost sure that he wanted her.

Almost as soon as she'd had the thought, however, Snape broke away from her. His black eyes still gleamed with need, and a peculiar kind of fatherly tenderness that stretched just that little bit further. But his face, and his movements told her otherwise.

The fact that Snape could not bring himself to admit that he felt any kind of love any more stabbed into Lily, twisting until she was in agony just being in the dungeon. At that moment she resented him for not giving vent to what she was sure he felt so much. Without another word she left the dungeon.

*****

A/N: Ok, you may have noticed that my chapters often end with people leaving or falling asleep etc. This is simply because these situations create natural breaks in the storyline that I find convenient to use as chapter breaks. It may be repetitious but it makes my life a lot easier: I find it hard to do massive cliff-hangers! So please forgive me if it annoys you and if you want huge cliff-hangers tell me so I can attempt to weave them into the story.


	12. Severus

Chapter 12 

A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. It's very much appreciated. To those who haven't – it's criminal! 

By the way – if what comes in a minute shocks you, you may want to read Time After Time which explains some of it.

I suppose I'd better stick in another disclaimer, since it's quite a way into the story now.

Disclaimer: Lily Potter, Hannah Weasley, Henry Crabbe and anyone else you don't recognise are mine. Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Lily Evans, James Potter, Flitwick, Sirius Black, McGonagall, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger (not all of these people necessarily feature in the story) aren't. Snape isn't mine, but the adaptation of his character in this story is. God I wish he was mine! Just picturing that lovely long robe … *snaps back to reality* … uh, anyway, back to the storyboard.

*****

Severus watched her go, and then slumped down against his desk. He knew exactly why she had left – she had let down her barrier as soon as she started crying. Sifting through her thoughts had helped.

Lily was wrong about one thing, though. Severus _had_ already admitted that he loved her. She was young and beautiful, and her laugh made his muscles tremble. Yes, he was fully prepared to admit that he loved her.

There were a few problems, though. The most important in Severus' mind was one that others had probably not even considered.

_She was Lily._

When he had first seen her, Severus had been startled by how much she looked like Lily Evans. Over the passage of three years, however, he had realised that he was wrong. She wasn't like Lily. She _was_ Lily.

Of course, this was a metaphoric statement. But she seemed so like Lily, so similar in every way that it was almost possible to believe she was a reincarnation. Severus could not banish the thought that in loving Lily Potter, he might only be loving her grandmother's memory. He could not allow that to happen. He could not betray Lily that way.

Anyway, just thinking about Lily Evans made him shudder with guilt. He could never forget what he had done to her.

_Oh, stop it, Severus._ A voice echoed in his head. _You did it. Now say it. **You tried to rape her. **And then you let her be killed._

Severus suddenly shouted out in anger, his whole body rapidly filling with a desire to kill someone, to hunt down the ones who'd murdered Lily. Malfoy, Avery, his own father …

Years of hard training with the Death Eaters had taught Severus not to be selective. He had been instructed never to spare someone just because they were family, or a friend. Severus would not have any qualms about killing his father on the spot if he could find him. He hated his father for helping to murder Lily and James. And for letting his beautiful mother be killed.

His mother. Yet another painful memory, brought to the surface by Lily's entrance into his life. His mother had been in Ravenclaw. She had hoped so fervently that her son would follow her. Naturally, his father had been in Slytherin and had assumed that Severus would be too. When Severus had indeed been placed in Slytherin, his parents had argued constantly about it.

At that time, Severus had wanted nothing more than to be in Ravenclaw, with _those of wit and learning_. He had wanted so much to follow the example of this tall, graceful woman with glossy black hair and pale, cool skin. Her eyes had been as dark as Severus' were now, but there was a kind of luminous stillness and serenity in them that Severus knew he would never have. Just gazing at her face, Severus' problems were immediately shrunk into insignificance, and everything was all right again.

Severus had loved everything about his mother. And he hated his father.

Tall, imposing and, Severus surmised, a lot like Lucius Malfoy was now, his father had taken away his mother's happy grace. He had never loved her, Severus knew. He had just married her because she was rich and pureblood. Those were the only criteria for a Death Eater's wife.

_' … and thus came the mother, the patron, the friend, the love …'_

A quote leapt out in Severus' mind, quite detached from his musings. He couldn't quite remember what it was from; he only knew that the people in it were supposed to be the most important people in his life.

'Mother' was presumably one of these things that was open to interpretation, but Severus decided that it really was his mother to whom this term applied. She had taught him how to do good, even when he was surrounded by evil. For that he could not put his thanks into words.

'Patron.' Dumbledore was the obvious choice for this. He had forgiven Severus for all he had done and given him a job that had inevitably saved his life, his soul. Without Dumbledore, Severus would probably still be running from the Death Eaters, breath coming in short, frantic gasps, hair matted, sobs issuing from his mouth in despair as he succumbed to the inevitable, that he could not run for ever … Or he would be dead.

'Friend.' Again, it was not demanding to fathom who this was. Harry Potter had been his only real friend. Ever since he had told Harry how he had attacked his mother, the two of them had become unimaginably close. They told each other everything they thought and felt, whomever they loved, whomever they hated. But somehow Severus didn't think it would be appropriate to tell Harry that he was in love with his daughter. They were two generations apart, after all. Even if Lily had fallen in love with someone Harry's age it would not be proper. There was no way Harry would be pleased for them.

'Love.' Two people immediately leapt to mind, both red-haired, green-eyed, fair-skinned. Both named Lily.

Severus struggled to decide which one he loved more for a few minutes. Then slowly it dawned on him that since the two of them were so hopelessly similar, they could almost be counted as the same person. They could both be his loves.

Severus, that's not on. You're dismissing two different people, both with different personalities, different likes and dislikes, different talents, as the same person to accommodate some twisted fantasy you have. You're imagining Lily Potter to be Lily Evans so you can love her freely without age restrictions. If you look closely at her, she doesn't really look that much like her grandmother. Yes, there is a resemblance, but are you sure you haven't just modified your memory of Lily Evans to look like her granddaughter? You do love both, that's true, but they are different.  You have to choose between them. 

Severus muttered a few curses. Why did the rational part of his mind always curb his will to see things his way and force the truth upon him? 

Suddenly the door to his dungeon opened, and Dumbledore cautiously entered. He did not look at all surprised to see Severus sitting on the floor; in fact, he looked as if he had been expecting it.

'I passed Miss Potter as I was on my way to see you, Severus. Is everything all right?'

A sudden flash of anxiety sprung into Severus' head. Had he really hurt Lily so much? 'Is she all right, Professor?' he asked desperately.

Dumbledore smiled reassuringly. 'A little disgruntled, perhaps, but I think she'll get over it. Had she been crying? Her face looked a little blotched.'

Severus nodded reluctantly. 

'Do you know why?'

'I think she's basically coming to terms with the fact that her father is dead.'

'I see. Severus, I was actually coming to talk to you about Lily.'

'Oh?'

'You know she doesn't need to make potions any more?'

Severus blinked. 'I beg your pardon?'

'Her task was to make potions to help the Heir of Gryffindor kill the Heir of Slytherin. Harry's done that now. Her task is finished. She has completed it. And you've completed yours.'

'So you're saying there's no need for her to spend any more time here, is that right?'

'Severus, during the holidays I don't mind. It's her time and since her family wish to keep her here I must allow her to do more or less as she chooses. But when lessons start again … you do realise that she did no homework except Potions last year?'

'What?'

'She's dreadfully behind in all her subjects. Although the need for well-trained witches and wizards is not so great any more, she does need to pass her OWLS and NEWTS. If she continues like this … I'm afraid I can't guarantee that she'll qualify.'

'I had no idea she was so lax, Headmaster. But you surely can't be suggesting that she stop working here?'

'I have no alternative, Severus.'

'Albus, you don't understand …' Severus was growing desperate now. They couldn't take Lily away from him, never … 'She needs to be here, she has to be here!'

'Why?'

'I – I need her here.' He didn't want to admit it, but it seemed the only way to prevent the headmaster making her leave.

Dumbledore looked at him for a long moment, assessing, calculating. Severus suddenly realised how his assertion must seem. Even to Dumbledore, love between a student and a teacher was surprising and shocking. Severus quickly realised that he had to counter Dumbledore's suspicions. 'I mean, she's a brilliant assistant to me. Besides, she's an Aurora. You surely can't be trying to keep her from her vocation?'

'Severus, we no longer have any need for Aurora. Their task is complete. The battle between Slytherin and Gryffindor has taken place. Rowena Ravenclaw's original task has been carried out. Lily can still work her magic into the potions but she no longer needs to. I think – and Lily's other teachers agree – that she should now concentrate on her other subjects until she is at the same standard as her classmates.'

'Albus, you _can't_ do that!' Severus burst out. 'I need her here, and she needs to be here!' Before, he had been willing to make up any explanation for him wanting her to stay, but now he had realised that there _was_ another reason, a reason why she could not leave. 'Making potions is the only way she can come to term with her father's death. It's all she has left now.'

'I see.' There was an amused note in Dumbledore's voice. 'But there is one factor you have failed to take into account, Severus.'

'And what's that?' Severus was now no longer in the mood for politeness.

'Her father is not dead, Severus. _Harry Potter is alive.'_

*****

A/N: Ooooh, exciting, huh? I think so anyway, and it _is_ my story. Please review! 


	13. Falling

Chapter 13

A/N: This is probably the most exciting chapter yet, so read on dear friends, read on Macduff!!

*****

Lily spent most of the evening in the Gryffindor common room, staring moodily into the flames of the crackling fire. Although Snape probably had his reasons for pulling out of their embrace – and Lily knew the reasons – she still could not help thinking that he had rejected her.

After three years, the room seemed suddenly distant and unfriendly as she glared at the fire. The armchairs were too big and soft. They patronized her. The figures in the paintings looked at her with barely concealed smiles; she had the distinct feeling they knew something she didn't.

She was on the verge of getting up and turning all the paintings around to face the wall when suddenly the portrait hole opened and Professor Elevra, the Head of Gryffindor since McGonagall had retired last year, poked her head around the door.

'Lily? Professor Snape wants to talk to you in the dungeons. I believe it's a matter of some urgency.'

Lily paused for a moment, considering. Snape was the last person she wanted to see right now, but if it was important … Finally she nodded and stepped out into the corridor with the tall, slim mistress.

As they walked, Lily grew increasingly nervous. Had her teacher decided that he wanted her after all? Would he use her love for him to take advantage of her? He could do anything to her in those dungeons, and although this thought frightened her, it excited her too. That was what worried her: that she would be so overcome that she would let him do whatever he wanted.

Elevra turned to Lily. 'By the way, Miss Potter, I shall expect a much higher standard of work from you next year. Severus explained to the teacher what you were doing in the dungeons, so I've been lenient on you until now. But the Dark Lord is gone now. Even if you do choose to continue working the Potions lab, you no longer have an excuse to be lax Transfiguration. Do I make myself clear?'

Lily nodded miserably.

'Good. That's all I wanted, so I presume you can make your own way to the dungeons from here?'

'Yes, Professor,' she replied meekly, and Elevra quietly turned and left her to follow the stone steps down to Snape's territory.

The Potions Master was standing against the wall by the door when she entered the labs. For a moment Lily did not see him, but when he turned his head towards her she leapt back in fright. 'Pro – Professor,' she stammered. 'Did you want something?'

'In a manner of speaking,' Snape said in a low voice. He was completely engulfed in shadow, and his robes hung in tantalising folds, eluding the outline of his body.

Lily gulped. This was heading very decidedly towards sexual innuendo. Just as she was thinking that maybe she ought to leave, Snape gestured towards a bench. 'Please, sit down.'

Cautiously she did so, keeping a wary eye on Snape. As she settled onto the bench she slid her hand into her pocket and gripped her wand, mentally revising all the disarming spells she could remember.

Snape looked slightly confused for a minute, and then rolled his eyes. 'Please, Miss Potter, I haven't brought you here to assault you! There are a couple of things I need to talk to you about.'

Lily looked at his eyes. They were wide and sincere and slightly reprimanding, and she could reach no conclusion other than that he must be telling the truth. Slowly she nodded.

'The first matter is something you've probably been greatly disillusioned about …'

_Oh, here it comes,_ she thought gloomily. _He's going to tell me he doesn't love me and dismiss our bond as a childish infatuation, blah blah blah …_

'… with regard to your father.'

Lily blinked, stunned. Then she gave him her full attention. ' My father?'

'Yes. Um …' Snape broke off, as if not quite sure how to continue. There was a strange expression on his face, one of enlightenment and happiness, and to a lesser extent a guarded affection.

Lily nodded encouragingly to him, and after swallowing a few times he went on. 'After he killed Voldemort … he didn't die. He's alive, Lily. Your father is alive.'

At first Lily didn't believe she was hearing right. She shook her head violently to clear her ears and then looked at Snape again. 'I'm sorry?'

_-Lily, listen to me.-_ Snape's voice sounded in her mind this time. _–You are not hearing wrong. Your father is alive.-_

She stared at him dubiously. 'Are you sure? He _did_ kill Voldemort, you know -'

'I know that, Lily,' Snape said gently. 'He survived. He's not dead, and he's coming with your family to pick you up.'

The connection of her father with what Lily knew to be reality somehow brought the truth of it home to her. Happiness rose inside her, raw and intense. The joy she had felt at the news of Voldemort's death had been overwhelming, but the earth herself had angled it towards its release in song rather than in screaming. This time, though, Lily was the only one who felt the happiness, and she leapt in the air and danced around the dungeon for a time, shouting and crying in sheer exultation.

Snape watched her, a slow grin breaking over his stern face. As she ran towards him he stood up and held out his arms. She flung herself onto him, burying her head in his shoulder as he reeled backwards from the impact.

Even as he held her she fidgeted and squirmed in glee, but slowly she calmed and took a deep breath. Snape ran his hand down her loose hair gently, then gradually moved his hand around to her chin, and lifted it to make her look at him. His eyes bore into her much as they had before; she could feel her body responding just to that stare.

She searched his face, looking for some sign of what he wanted in that intense gaze, but his expression was unreadable. Then, excruciatingly slowly, tentatively, he moved his face down to hers and kissed her gently.

Lily's breath caught in her throat at the feel of his kiss. She knew at once that she had been waiting for this for months and tightened her embrace, locking her arms firmly about his neck. His rough lips caressed hers; she could almost hear a low growl in his throat that told her how much more he wanted.

They stood together, Lily breathing increasingly quickly as Snape's lips roved around her face and then moved down to her neck. For a few minutes it was perfect. Lily's body strained towards her teacher, quivering in anticipation, and she could feel little shudders running down the length of Snape's torso. 

Then he lifted his head from her neck and looked seriously into her eyes. 'Lily,' he said hoarsely. 'This can't happen. I mean – you're my student. I'm your teacher. This can't be allowed to happen. I'm sorry.'

She had known this was coming. In a way she was grateful: if he had allowed her to continue, this night would have been so perfect she would probably have died in bliss. But she longed to kiss him even as she drew away from him, as she interlaced her fingers with his briefly and then released them, as she sat back down on the desk.

Snape looked at her once, a look of pure sadness and regret and yearning, and then firmly settled his gaze on the floor. 'The other thing I wanted to talk to you about is something that Dumbledore brought to my attention a few hours ago. I had not been aware that you were so behind in your other subjects, Miss Potter.'

Lily also looked at the floor, ashamed.

'Why haven't you been doing the work for your other teachers?' There was no affection in his voice now. He was clearly trying harder than ever to conceal his real feelings. When Lily sneaked a look at his eyes, they were hard and unrelenting. Suddenly she felt just like any other student with any other teacher. Snape was no longer the lonely, isolated man she had known, but a dark creature of the night. He did not show mercy, or forgiveness.

Suddenly Lily hated him. She threw her reply back in his face without caring that it was inappropriate. 'Because I don't care. The only thing I can do is Potions. That's the only thing I want to do.'

'Miss Potter -'

'_Shut up_!' she screamed, flying to her feet. Snape did not move, and this infuriated her even more. 'Listen to me! You've let me believe that you loved me! You made me believe I loved you! You led me along your dark little twisted path for three and a half years, and I've had enough! You had to get your revenge, didn't you? Has this whole thing been a ploy just to get back at James? IS THAT ALL IT IS?'

Snape lifted his head, eyes dead now, closed over, looking upon the world with a sardonic bitterness that did not bend or break. This was the real him. This was how he had always been, evil, cruel, sadistic. There was no room for love. No room for anything but his own malevolence. 'No. Not for James. All it is, Miss Potter, is truth. I tasted truth. And I spat it out.'

Lily spat at him then. She missed, but as the goblet of spit hit the wall it shattered, smashing into a thousand pieces like their lost bond. Tears were running down her face now, the essence of grief and terrible loss. Involuntarily her legs began to carry her towards the door … she had to get out of here before she began breaking things.

Just before she passed out of the door and completed the path of heartbreak, she turned to him, her face contorted in anger and sorrow. 'I loved you, Severus,' she said quietly. 'I loved you so much. But you don't care, do you? What do you care about anything but your own suffering? I'm taking my Potions NEWT as soon as I can, and I'm never coming down here again!' Then she turned and fled.

As she raced up the stairs, Snape's voice sounded in her head, louder than he could possibly have shouted. -_Do you really think that you can just stop working with Potions, Lily? It's in your blood, your heart, your soul! There is _no way_ you are walking out that door with no intention of returning. Tell me you're not really going to do that.-_

Lily stubbornly ignored his plea, but flinched violently when he shouted again. _–TELL ME!-_

_-No … I know I can't do that. But I want to take my Potions NEWT, and then I want to go away, somewhere you can't hurt me. I'll go to a school in the Antarctic if it means I can get away from you. I'll curse my dad until he sets up a potions lab in our back garden if that's what it takes. But I'm never coming down here _ever_ again.- _She voiced the thought quietly, spitefully, malevolently, fully intending to hurt him and make him regret what he had done. She knew it was cruel, stupid, irrational, but she did not care.

On her way back to the common room, she had a thought. Quickly she turned and ran, coming to a breathless halt outside the entrance to Snape's rooms. Blood pounded in her ears as she slid the door open and hurried in.

Once inside, she gave way to her anger once more and began to methodically trash Snape's room. She threw fire at the ever-present lilies on the table, charring them to dust; the wardrobe and table and chair collapsed into heaps of splintered wood; the bedclothes spurted fire, burning until they too were ash.

Then Lily whipped up a windstorm that spun around the room, picking up the remains of Snape's furniture and flinging it out to all corners of the chamber. Silencing it with a word, she surveyed the damage quite calmly, and then carefully stepped through the rubble back out into the corridor.

She knew that she would be caught, but at least she had her revenge. Eyes blazing furiously, she brushed the dirt from her robes and returned, composed but fuming to the common room.

******

Ooooh, please tell me what you think! Was anyone out of character? Please review me now!


	14. The Holidays

Chapter 14

A/N: I'm really sorry that I haven't put any of this up for a long time, but I've had exams and been on holiday and I haven't had a chance to do anything on it. Hopefully the chapters will be going up more frequently now.

*****

After that terrible day, Snape treated Lily as any other teacher would. Lily tried often to get past his protective layer, to catch him looking at her in the hope that he had forgiven her, for trashing his room and yelling at him in mindless anger … that they could be friends again. But he never faltered; his complex act of nastiness was unbending.

She spent the rest of the few weeks she had to wait for her family in the library, systematically working her way through the shelves. In fact, she took very little of it in. Her mind was chiefly occupied with devising clever ways to get Snape to notice her. It was all fruitless – trying to make Snape talk to her was very similar to trying to make conversation with a brick wall. He avoided her like the plague.

Lily was starting to understand why people hated Snape so much: he was completely impossible to manipulate. He did what he wanted and nothing else.

Four weeks into the summer holidays, Lily's father came to collect her. He did not appear suddenly at breakfast this time, but sent owls to inform her of his whereabouts and finally arrived in the early evening of one Saturday. Professor Elevra brought him up to the common room, where he swept Lily up in his arms and held her for a long time. They both wept, but finally they were tears of happiness, not of anger and sorrow.

Then he set her down and pulled her onto his knee. 'So …' 

Lily inspected him carefully, saw the pain and guilt in his eyes. She decided not to mention Voldemort. 'Did you get all my potions, then?'

'Oh, yes.' He nodded. 'They were a massive help to the … well, the war effort, Lily thank you so much for them.'

'Dad,' she reminded him gently, 'I couldn't have just sat by and watched you go out there without helping at all.'

'Yeah …' He yawned, then looked straight at her. 'So how are things here? Still excelling at Potions? Still charming Snape?'

'Um – he's a bit annoyed with me at the moment,' she answered carefully. 'I've been spending so much time brewing I haven't had time to work in my other subjects!' She tried to keep her voice light, but could not stop a bitter undertone from spoiling it.

Her father leant back and looked at her with a puzzled expression.  'Is everything all right, Lily? You seem a little … I don't know. Out of sorts.'

This time she managed to banish the marring tone from her voice. 'No, everything's fine. At least it is now you're here. Take me home, Dad.'

Harry stood up. 'I think I'd like to stay for a night if you don't mind, Lily. I need to talk to a few people, and it's likely to take a few hours. Plus … it's comforting, being here after all that. Anyway, I'll see you after supper – I need to see Snape right now.' He hugged her tightly again, rocking her gently, then turned and left through the portrait hole.

Lily happily went back to the library. It did not matter that he was leaving her just now. They would have plenty of time to talk at supper. She needed a little time to adjust to her father being back, anyhow.

At supper, Lily eagerly saved a place for her father next to her. When he finally came in with Snape, the two men walked together to Snape's place. Lily, open-mouthed, watched her father sit down next to the Potions Master, still engrossed in conversation.

This had to be another of Snape's revenges. First he had stolen her heart and broken it, and now he was stealing her father!

Furiously she threw her thought at Snape. _Don't – you – dare!_

Snape glanced at her once, startled, then muttered something to her father. Harry also looked at Lily, then quickly rose and hurried to sit next to her. 'I was – just finishing my conversation with Severus.'

'Of course, father,' Lily replied acidly.

Her father looked slightly annoyed at this. 'Oh, come on, Lils! My work isn't done yet. I still have things to discuss with my colleagues. Of course we'll spend time together when everyone's safe, but at the moment there are still Death Eaters wandering around. We _have_ to eliminate them before they can rise again. You can understand that, can't you?''

Lily nodded reluctantly. She was still angry, but it was utterly selfish to pretend she was more important than the people who were still in danger.

'Oh, I almost forgot – what _is_ going on with you and Severus? Every time I mention you, his voice goes all sour.'

'Um … I think he feels I've betrayed his confidence that I can keep up in all my subjects.' Lily had never before kept anything from her father, but how could she tell him that she had been in love with her teacher?

Her father nodded. 'Yes, he said something about that. Lily, I know you're an Aurora, but you can't –'

'Don't give me the lecture,' she snapped. 'Professor Elevra already did that. And so did Snape.' She spat her teacher's name so violently that her father flinched.

'Are you sure that's all, love? You really don't look happy.'

'Quite sure,' she retorted.

Harry still looked worried. 'You know you can talk to me if there's anything wrong, don't you, Lily?'

'Yes, dad,' she said exasperatedly. 'I know.'

'OK, love. If you're sure you're all right, I'm just going to mention something to Severus.' He ducked out of his chair and strode back to Snape, glancing back at her a couple of times. As the two men talked, Lily could feel a slender green thread probing her thoughts. _Go away,_ she told it irritably.

_Have you told him? _Snape asked her.

_About what?_

_About … well … us._ He sounded guilty and awkward.

_There is no us, _she told him flatly.

The green thread drew away from her consciousness silently. Lily quickly spooned the rest of her meal into her mouth and left the hall. As she passed through the huge doorway she sensed Snape watching her, pushing back his stool, following her.

She quickened her steps to try and reach the common room, but his long strides caught up with her easily. Resigned, she stopped. 'Was there something else?'

'Lily, at the risk of sounding horribly clichéd, we need to talk.'

'There's nothing to talk about.'

'You and I know that's not true, Lily.'

'What do you know? You know nothing about how I feel! You don't even know how you feel!'

'I know that I love you.'

There was a heavy pause, then Lily spoke very quietly. 'You rejected me.'

Snape looked at her, his face pained. 'Lily, I rejected you because I didn't think it was right that we should be … together. I'm old … lonely … you can't be chasing after me.'

'But … I love you,' she admitted.

The Potions Master smiled rather bashfully, and ducked his head.

'What do you want, Professor? What exactly do you want from me?'

'I – um …' His shoulders slumped. 'I suppose we can't have a future, really, can we?'

'Not while I'm at school, anyway.'

'Well … Lily, are you sure you want me?'

'I'm sure,' she replied. 'But we've just got to wait.'

'Yes.' Snape turned as if to walk away, but Lily grabbed his arm.

'I don't want to forget what _this_ feels like, though,' she said, and kissed him fiercely. He wrapped his arms around her, protecting her, loving her. Then she drew away, letting go of his hand at the last moment before fleeing into the darkness.

*****

The farewell the next morning was brief and perfunctory. Lily's father and Snape exchanged a quick dignified hug, and then Snape turned to Lily. 

'Have a nice summer,' he murmured, holding out his hand to her.

'You too,' she responded, firmly gripping his hand.

Suddenly Snape bent down, lifting her hand lightly to his lips. Her eyes met his; the normally hard black eyes were surprisingly soft, and twinkled gently.

She probed his thoughts as he straightened and nearly jumped in astonishment. Snape had let his shield down. Searching rapidly through the dark green threads at the forefront of his mind, she found what she wanted and nodded slightly. He had forgiven her.

Snape smiled thinly, and Harry drew Lily away, comforting but still uncomprehending. She blinked tears away impatiently, reminding herself that she mustn't cry. But she knew that this would probably be the last time in years that they could play like this.

As she and her father walked back to Hogsmeade to catch the train, Lily could feel his sharp gaze on her. _He knows,_ she thought, and her stomach tightened in terror before she told herself not to be stupid. How could he know? He was probably just concerned – she was probably giving off miserable vibes, that was all.

At Kings' Cross, the rest of the family was there to greet her, looking much the same as they had last Christmas, Adam back from staying with his friend for a few weeks. They were obviously uncomfortable in Muggle clothes, so Lily made an effort to hurry to the car even in the baking heat to drive straight home.

Once they reached their fairly spacious house in Godric's Hollow, Lily curled up next to her father on the sofa and remained there for a very long time. They did not talk; Lily had the feeling that he still would not be willing to relate the story of Voldemort's death to her.

Once she was satisfied that her father really was back, however, Lily realised that she was probably going to be very bored at home. She decided to ask her father to take her to London to buy her some books to read over the holidays, as well as the things she needed for next year. 

Of course, it seemed perfectly innocent, but underneath her mind was scheming up ways to get Snape there so she could see him before she went back to school. She missed him terribly

As soon as her father agreed, Lily went to her room and scribbled Snape a note:

_Be in Diagon Alley on 29th July_

_Look surprised_

_Lily_

She wrote Snape's name of the front, and then brushed the note lightly with her lips before giving it to her owl and sending her flying away over the trees.

The days up until the 29th July passed fairly quickly, despite Lily having nothing to do, but she was growing increasingly nervous. Would Snape turn up? He had sent her no reply. He might have decided that his and his students' reputation mattered more than love. If he even thought of it like that.

When the day finally arrived, Lily took some rather unsubtle precautions to make Snape noticed her. She applied a furtive Shine Charm on her hair, put on some makeup and put on six different outfits before she picked a none-too-concealing top and a flowery skirt. Her father's eyes widened considerably when she came downstairs, and Lily smiled to herself when she thought of how Snape would react.

Diagon Alley was crowded with Hogwarts pupils, various people from the Ministry of Magic and also a few tourist wizards, babbling to their companions in rapid French or a slow, American drawl.

Lily did not notice any of these people, however; her eyes were only looking for one person. More than once a flash of black robe caught Lily's eye, but when she snapped her head around she saw nothing, and on reaching out with her mind encountered no green awareness. 

By the time they reached Flourish and Blott's, Lily's neck was stiff from twitching, and she was beginning to think that he wasn't coming after all.

Then she saw him. He was standing by one of the bookshelves, in all appearances completely oblivious to the world around him, but Lily knew him better than that. A slight tilt of his shoulders that she doubted even Dumbledore would have noticed betrayed his awareness that she was there.

She watched him carefully until he clicked his hand in signal. Then she exclaimed in surprise. 'Professor Snape!'

Snape looked up, apparently startled to hear his name. Then he saw them, and crossed the distance between them in a few quick strides, his features carefully arranged into an expression of guarded surprise. 'How very incredible,' he murmured.

Lily's father laughed. 'I never thought I'd see you surprised, Severus. In fact -' he shot a slightly suspicious look at Lily – 'I didn't expect to see you at all.'

'Well, I needed some things, so …' Snape spread his hands. Lily was stunned at how genuinely amazed he seemed.

'Have you had a good summer, Professor?' she asked shyly.

Snape's eyes roved over her, taking in her shimmering hair and summer clothes. Lily felt almost as if he was undressing her with his eyes – it was like being naked. 'Tolerable, Miss Potter.'

'Well, shall we?' her father suggested, and the three of them walked to the nearby Leaky Cauldron for a drink.

Snape's behaviour was completely implacable; he was friendly to Harry, and courteous to Lily. He hardly looked at her unless she said something, and was careful not to touch her.

In some ways Lily was disappointed at this. But she could not have not expected any more, and was relieved that he was able to keep himself enough under control so as not to arouse suspicion.

Although she did not really talk to Snape much and could not truthfully say she had enjoyed their meeting, she was happy to see him and glad that they could act normally in public. She could do this, she could be as strong as Snape and stronger. She would fool everyone. Cool … aloof … ice queen.

Lily was also determined to catch up in the subjects other than Potions this year. She had let Snape down, and since she could no longer tell him she was sorry she decided to make it up to him. He knew she could not spend hours in the dungeons with him any more either, so she would have more time now. And with OWLS coming up, she would definitely not waste it.

When she got home, Lily sent an owl to Hannah asking her friend to send her the work she had missed last year. The huge package of parchment and questions that Hannah said her mum had 'photocopied' (Aunt Hermione was Muggle-born, Lily supposed) arrived the next day.

Once she had sorted through the pile and berated herself for getting so behind, she set to work. She laboured almost solidly for the whole of August without stopping except for meals and sleep. She read none of the books she had bought in Diagon Alley.

At first Lily's parents were pleasantly surprised, but when Lily showed no signs of slowing, they began to get a little worried.

Her mother came into her room on the night of the 29th August, one month after the Diagon Alley trip. 'Lily, darling, don't you think you should stop working? You've only got one day of the holidays left. Make the most of it.'

'I am, Mum,' Lily replied earnestly. 'I _can't_ go into my OWL year completely behind everyone else, I'll never pass my exams if I do.'

'But you never work this hard, Lily. I understand you don't want to go back behind, but I completely forbid you to go back utterly exhausted. Promise me you won't work tomorrow – you must have nearly finished, anyway. I want to spend some time with my eldest daughter.'

Her mother looked so concerned that it was impossible for Lily to refuse her. 'All right, Mum.'

Ginny embraced her quietly and kissed her on the forehead, stroking her hair. Lily suddenly thought of how Snape's hand had felt on her hair and instinctively hugged her mother harder. The red-haired woman smiled protectively, believing that Lily was still 'her little girl,' and not in fact in love with the most hated wizard teacher in the country.

******

A/N : Ok, that was a fairly long chapter, for me anyway. Hopefully more will be up soon, but I have two pieces of coursework to get done so it might not happen as quickly as I would like. Please bear with me, and of course, review! I never get sick of reading reviews, unless they're flames, of course, which piss me off.

Please R&R!


	15. Aurora

Chapter 15

A/N: I have actually finished this story on paper so hopefully I'll be a bit quicker typing things up now.

*****

Lily's fifth year at Hogwarts was the only year (apart from her first) when she had gone to school completely happy and up to date. She was determined to properly make some friends, this year, and she greeted her friends at the station with so much enthusiasm that they almost looked scared of her. She chatted with them the whole way to the school and did not stop even during the welcome feast, when Dumbledore introduced the new Charms teacher, Professor Canaria. After one particularly loud giggle Snape shot a glare in their direction and Lily's friends were quiet immediately. Lily was finally forced to stop talking, even though she did not fear Snape's disapproval.

She was determined to get back at him for trying to spoil her day, however, and when she caught him staring at her again while she was eating, she pointed him out to her friends. They immediately burst into laughter, looking directly at Snape so he could not mistake their reason for amusement. The Potions Master immediately snapped his head away, the faint tinges of a blush staining his pale cheeks.

Lily's group of friends was exclusively female, and were mostly all sworn feminists who believed that at this age, at least, boys were useless. There was Hannah, of course, then three others whom Lily did not know very well called Jen, Philippa and Alicia. The gang hated Snape, which suited Lily well – she wanted to forget about him as much as she could, to cover her loss with laughter.

The guilt that she felt for mocking Snape simply to forget that she might be in love with him was only a niggling twinge compared to the newfound sense of self-control she had now.

Potions lessons were the most difficult part of her week, but Lily had learned to get through them by doing what she was told and trying her best not to draw any attention to herself. She could not help trying to gauge Snape's reactions to her behaviour, but although she strained her ears for a hint of softness in his voice when he said 'Miss Potter,' she could hear none.

Again Lily was forced to be astonished at how good an actor he was. No one could guess that there had ever been anything between them, although the whole year knew where she had spent her evenings for the last four years. She supposed that they must have though Snape was as nasty as they believed, that Lily only spent her time in his dungeon for her father. She was relieved once more at how indifferent he could seem, but was slightly disappointed that he did not at least acknowledge their friendship with a nod or surreptitious wink.

She began to realise, somewhat to her horror, that he really meant to sever their connection entirely.

_He was a Death Eater,_ the voice at the back of her head reminded her one night as she considered this in bed. _Unwilling or not, he was still trained to forget his emotions and kill. You're only fifteen, you can't be expected to do that. He does remember you. And he _does_ still love you._

_Quiet!_ She snapped silently. _I don't care about him! He's my teacher, nothing more. He doesn't think about me like that._

_Oh, yes?_ The voice replied slyly. _Don't you want to know what he dreams about?_

_I can't do that._

_Yes, you can. Go to his room and probe his thoughts. He lets his barrier down when he sleeps. I'm sure you'll find what you need._

Suddenly Lily was suspicious of this motherly, unearthly awareness that assisted her. It was almost as if it wanted her to be with Snape, to comfort him and hold him. Was the voice evil? Did it want to play with her emotions? Was it a real person or simply a spell?

_Who are you?_ she demanded. _How do you know so much?_

But the other voice was gone. Lily was torn between ignoring the voice and going to sleep, and actually following its orders and seeing if she could fathom Snape's feelings. It would be so nice to know that he still held affection for her, even if he didn't feel … like he once did.

She made up her mind. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, drew on her robe and quietly left the darkened dormitory. She was surprised to find that she knew the way to Snape's rooms exactly, even though she had been so upset when she first found it. But her feet took her straight to that patch of wall with the missing chunk of stone. 

Sending out her thoughts carefully, Lily found Snape's sleeping awareness. His barrier was indeed gone, as the mysterious voice had told her. Part of her body ached to go inside and climb into Snape's bed, to nestle against his back and feel him loving her, wanting her …

Lily shook herself violently, and gently began to sift through the green threads that comprised Snape's thoughts. She encountered memories, fleeting images of events long forgotten leaping out in her mind like fish from water. Occasionally she encountered thoughts about people she knew: her father, Dumbledore … But she firmly closed her awareness to these. It was wrong enough to invade his mind for thoughts about her while he was sleeping without finding his feelings about others as well.

There was a faint ironic whisper in her mind, and Lily knew that she was being mocked. _Quiet_, she told the voice in her head sternly, and continued.

It was a painstakingly slow process, and Lily more than once considered giving the whole endeavour up and returning to her dormitory, but she could not allow herself to take so many risks for nothing. Finally she burrowed in far enough through the tangle to reach his thoughts of herself, so protected and carefully hidden from the rest of the world. She hesitated for more than a few seconds before plunging into the strange world of adult infatuation.

Immediately she was astonished by how detailed and developed his thoughts of her were. Her memories of him were vague but radiating light: the touch of his hand on hers, his enveloping smell, the liquid folds of his robes hanging in the candlelight as he stood over her.

But his thoughts were so specific! He could describe the colour of her hair, the way she moved, spoke and laughed, with an architect's accuracy but nothing less than a poet's flowing grave. Lily stood in the dark corridor, dazed with wonder as she drifted slowly through his dream-like contemplations.

As she moved increasingly further into his thoughts, the memories gradually becoming more intimate, Lily at last encountered the one assertion that satisfied her desperate curiosity: _I am in love with her. I love her. I do love her._

The words became faster and faster, repeating themselves over and over in Lily's consciousness. _I love her, I love her, I love her …_

Finally breaking the contact with Snape's mind, Lily fled. She wanted nothing more than to escape from the words that pounded in her head like the toll of a bell, signifying her connection with him. But she longed for him to follow her, to take her in his arms.

As she ran, though, a second, deeper, stronger desire took over, a desire for the dark, foggy atmosphere of the dungeons, the swirling hiss of her cauldron, the creeping evil of the Living Death …

Lily slowed, and leant against the wall, breathing heavily. God, how she wanted her potions. How could she have deserted them for so long? They were calling to her, summoning her.

Almost hypnotised by their haunting, commanding voice, Lily began to move instinctively towards the dungeons. She quickened into a stride, disregarding the noise she knew she was making, and then began to run full-pelt. The doors of the dungeons recognised her determination, and cringed away from her, opening reluctantly, and she strode to the stores and dragged out her own personal cauldron that Snape had bought her. Her conscious being shut down, and she added ingredients as the called to her rather than from habit or textbook. Snape's supplies dwindled as the hours of the night slipped past.

When the sunlight suddenly stained the horizon, the candles in the dungeon brightened, and the black liquid in Lily's cauldron hissed and steamed as the light hit it. Lily herself stood imperiously before the cauldron, arms folded, face commanding. Her green eyes were alight with understanding, with knowledge and pure unbridled power.

That night, Lily made her offering to Rowena Ravenclaw, and that night she finally was allowed into the enlightenment of the Auroras.

*****

After her initiation back into the world of Potions, Lily was aware that there was no way she could keep pretending that she was simply good at Potions. Every fibre of her being longed to be with her ingredients for every minute of every day. She needed support to be able to resist the potions' call.

The next evening, she gathered all her friends in their dormitory and explained to them about the Auroras and how she was Snape's apprentice. They listened solemnly while she told them about her many evenings of education that were not simply potion-making sessions for her father, or detentions, as she and Snape had sometimes disguised them.

Of course, she carefully avoided the fact that she had romantic attachments to Snape, but she was desperately determined to be as honest as she could, and so made no secret of the fact that she did not hate him.

'But how can you stand being in the same room as him all the time?' Hannah cried after Lily had exposed this fact.

'He's not that bad, really,' Lily replied, anxious to defend him.

'Not that bad?' echoed Hannah. The rest of the group made similar noises of disbelief. 'Lily, he once gave Philippa detention for a week just because Malfoy knocked a vial out of her hand!'

'He's a little unfair sometimes, yes,' Lily admitted. 'But he's had a hard life, no one's ever liked him.'

'I wonder why,' Hannah muttered.

'It's not for want of him trying!' Lily snapped. 'People have always had a huge prejudice against Slytherins because of Voldemort. He's give up on being nice to people, that's all.'

The group looked a little ashamed at this, and Lily rushed to head off any resentment towards her. 'Look, I'm not asking you to like him, I just want you to accept that I do. Once you understand his faults, he is easy enough to like. Anyway, I'm going to be spending all my free time in the dungeons again from now on.'

'Isn't Voldemort' - Philippa still shivered at using the name – 'gone, though? I mean, why do you still need to make potions?'

'He's not completely gone,' Lily said patiently. 'The wizard's gone, yes, but there are still memories of him everywhere. Some of them are very dangerous. And of course there are still loads of Death Eaters around. We've got to purge them, and the Aurors still need potions. Besides, I can't stop making them any more than I can stop breathing. It's in my blood now.'

*****

After her friends had accepted that she was not completely mad, Lily felt hugely relieved. The whole affair had gone remarkably well, and she knew she could count on her friends now to give her support and not throw her suspicious sideways glances whenever she mentioned Potions or Snape.

She spent the next nine months of evenings working almost exclusively in the Potions lab. Snape had managed to persuade her other teachers that she should be allowed to do her other homework at the weekends, which took a massive amount of pressure off Lily. Finally she had enough time for everything, and she was astonished at how harmoniously things could run if she made an effort to sort them out.

Throughout the whole of her fifth year, Snape remained friendly and encouraging towards Lily. His mask was gaining strength; she could not longer sense his love for her in his mind, and although she sometimes thought she saw his eyes flickering towards her more than was usual, he was so completely lacking in the essence of romance that she always decided she was mistaken.

In June, she took her Potions N.E.W.T., at the same time as she took the O.W.L.s, and passed, as Snape and her friends had predicted, with flying colours. Almost immediately Snape entered her for a myriad of other exams, which were all in Lily's sixth year, and so most of that year passed in a blur of revision and awards. 

It was a very strange experience: Lily knew that she, at seventeen, already had more awards for Potions than most adult wizards, more than the Minister for Magic, more than the best Potions teachers. It made her feel pleasantly important, but also quite pressured as well.

At the beginning of her seventh year, Snape started to let her teach his classes of first, second and third-years. It turned out to be far easier than expected; far from being a hindrance, her position as Gryffindor's heir meant that the students disregarded her age and took down every word she said in reverent awe. (Besides, the threat of Snape yelling at them if they disrespected Lily was enough to keep them all completely silent.) 

Lily rather enjoyed this power, although sometimes the students were so anxious not to be wrong that they didn't dare to answer her questions. However, after some gentle reassurance, Lily managed to establish that they did know the answers, and the young witches and wizards gradually grew more confident under her care. 

Snape commented a few times that she was probably a better teacher than he was – some of the pupils she taught had actually started to look forward to Potions. Lily knew that he was only half joking – although he was probably slightly bitter about the competition, he knew as well as she that Potions was an important part of the syllabus, and it was easier for them to learn it if they actually enjoyed the subject.

After a while, the classes began to appear slightly more accepting towards Snape, taking an attitude of: 'If the Heir of Gryffindor can stand him, we can at least try.' Equally, Snape was not his usual unreasonable self: Lily suspected that she had inspired him to try to bond with his students. Even in her own Potions lessons, which she flatly refused to assist with, Snape was polite, fair, and sometimes friendly, towards even those who did not do well in Potions. He was obviously trying to prove that not all Slytherins were completely nasty, and his efforts seemed to be paying off.

In the common room after one such lesson, all the seventh-years sat with bewildered looks on their face trying to work out what could have prompted such behaviour. Lily decided prudently not to enlighten them – this would have betrayed an intimate knowledge of Snape's views she would have preferred to conceal.

So she stayed quietly happy that Snape had changed, and her opinion of him grew better with every lesson she spent with him. In the evenings the two of them could be found joking and laughing over their cauldrons together. Professor Elevra came into the dungeons one night and had actually looked scared at the sight of Snape's usually thin smile extended into a genuine grin, which had made the teacher and apprentice laugh even more.

It seemed that things would stay in this state of happy contentment for ever.

*****

One evening Lily went towards the dungeons, waiting eagerly as she always did to hear the potions call to her, command her. But they did not speak to her at all. She heard nothing in her mind all the time she was walking down the stone steps from the common room, all the she was descending into the dimly-lit passageway to the dungeon.

Curiously she stopped, searching in the vaults of her mind for the voices of her beloved potions, but there was complete silence. A wave of cold uneasiness flooded her stomach, and she began to walk very quickly the rest of the way.

When she burst into the dungeon, the first thing she saw was Snape, looking perfectly healthy, carefully stirring a Shrinking Potion for one of his lessons the next day. He looked up, startled, and then suddenly leapt backwards as a hiss of steam shot out of the cauldron.

'That wasn't supposed to happen,' he frowned. 'I wonder what I did wrong.'

The tense knot inside Lily tightened. 'Where are they?'

'What?'

'My potions. I can't hear them.'

Snape's head snapped up. He studied her for a long moment before he replied carefully: 'Your potions are still here, Lily.'

'They aren't calling to me. I don't feel them. And-' she suddenly looked for the green awareness in her mind that she knew somehow would not be there – 'I can't feel you, either.'

Snape's eyes acquired a cold glint that Lily knew meant he was hiding pain. 'I knew this day would come,' he said very quietly, and suddenly his face looked tired and lined. 'This soon … you learned faster than I thought you would, Lily … but why now?'

Suddenly there was a faint whispering through the dungeons, which grew slowly louder and formed into incoherent words until Lily recognised it as the voice that had spoken to her in her mind for years. She looked at Snape uncertainly; his expression told her that he could hear the voice too.

Snape turned to Lily, obviously trying to work out what to say to her.

'Lily, you are no longer the servant of the potions. They cannot call to you or command you. You are their mistress. You've learned everything you need to know to be an Aurora, which means you will take my place.' He paused, and Lily could tell he didn't want to continue.

'So … what happens to you?' she asked, knowing she wouldn't like the answer.

Snape's eyes were utterly black as he whispered: '_I die.'_

*****

A/N: Phew! Solid typing for a week or so for this one to come about. PLEEEEEASE review! I need reviews.

Oh, by the way, I realise there are probably a few inconsistencies in this story, which is due to the fact that I didn't really plan it that well. The whole idea sort of popped into my head and I just started writing without even thinking about it that much. Still … no one's perfect.

Please R&R!


	16. Founders and Love

Chapter 16

A/N: I reckon this is the last chapter, so before I begin I would like to thank everyone who has been following this story (I'll mention specifics at the end). It took a while to finish it, but finally it's done.

Oh, and it's a fairly long chapter, so bear with me.

*****

Lily did not sleep that night. Nor did she go to lessons the next day. She simply did not see the point. Every time she thought about getting up, Snape's words last night resounded in her head: 'I die.' These two simple syllables brought together the whole focus of her fear and anger, and whenever she thought about them, she became paralysed with emotion.

Professor Elevra, as her head of year, came up to see Lily at lunchtime. Her eyes were worried and wary, and she spoke with the careful hesitation of a first year. Lily was reminded, even in her state of distress, how young the teacher was, and warmed to her.

'Professor Snape has notified the staff about the … situation at hand, Miss Potter. He … he _is _looking very tired at the moment.'

Lily did not respond. She was trying to connect the words with some other trivial, fictional event, trying to block out the memories from the previous evening, not daring to allow herself to believe that Snape might die.

'Dumbledore's taking the whole thing very seriously … he's looking for a new Potions teacher. Oh! I almost forgot … Snape wants to see you.'

Unable to stop the words piercing her awareness, Lily looked at the professor. She blinked for a few seconds, digesting the information, then wearily began to get out of bed. 'I suppose I'd better go down, then,' she murmured. 

She dressed and made her way down to the dungeons. Snape was teaching a class of second years, and they all greeted her enthusiastically as she walked in. Snape himself gave her a tired smile, which she returned warily, her eyes darting over him. Professor Elevra was right: he did look exhausted. His normally sallow skin was almost white, and there were dark lines on his face. He was speaking so quietly that his pupils had to strain to hear him, and Lily had the feeling that he was not just doing it to be dramatic. It really did sound as if he could not force his voice to go any louder.

Lily felt a sudden burst of sympathy. He shouldn't be teaching, not when he was this ill. She walked to the front of the classroom. 'Would you like me to take over?'

He swallowed, and then nodded gratefully. 'That'd be nice,' he whispered. 'They're doing low grade poisons.' He waited only until she smiled in acknowledgement, and then disappeared into his office. Lily suspected he was going to sleep for a while.

She studied Snape's notes for a while, and then began to talk to the students. They seemed a little distracted at Snape's strange behaviour, so Lily attempted to reassure them. 'He's just tired, that's all. We've both been rushed off our feet lately.'

The class accepted her words, and the rest of the lesson passed quietly, Lily doing her best to fight the rising panic in her stomach.

When she had dismissed the class, Lily went into Snape's office. He was not asleep; he was sitting at his desk, his head resting on his hands, starting into space. When he saw Lily, he asked: 'Do you want me to help you tidy up?'

'No, it's ok,' Lily replied. 'You look dead on your feet.'

It was only when she saw the fleeting shock and despair pass across Snape's eyes that she realised what a stupid comment she had made. 'I – I mean …' she stuttered hastily.

'I'm fine,' Snape muttered, then rose, swaying slightly, before swallowing again and following her back into the lab. 

They worked in silence, Snape because he was obviously too tired to make the effort to talk, and Lily because she could think of nothing to say that would not sound patronizing. She was watching Snape like a hawk, noting with alarm how much his hands were shaking.

Suddenly his right hand, which was holding a small flask of liquid, shook particularly violently, and the flask slipped from his grasp and smashed on the floor. Snape groaned softly and stooped to begin picking up the pieces of broken glass.

'What are you doing?' Lily yelled, and rushed to him, pulling him away. 'That's poison, Severus!'

Snape looked at her blankly. 'Oh, yes,' he said vaguely, then slowly toppled over and hit the stone floor with a smack, unconscious.

*****

The news that Snape had been taken ill was announced at supper that evening. Lily sat on her own, not speaking to anyone, unable to dislodge the nausea that ate at her insides. She had stayed as long she Madam Pomfrey would let her in the hospital wing, but after a few hours had been thrown out and made to go down to supper. As the rest of the Great Hall buzzed with voices, mostly discussing Snape, the lead weight in Lily's body grew heavier.

As soon as supper was over she sprinted back up to the hospital wing. Snape lay very still between the crisp white sheet, and for a moment Lily's heart snapped in terror. But then he took a great shuddering breath, and Lily relaxed.

But there was still no escaping the fact that he was dying.

She was amazed at how quickly Rowena Ravenclaw's spirit worked. When he had first told her he would die, she had assumed that he would just slip away gradually as if from old age. But it was less than two days since Lily had first noticed the absence of her potions' voices, and Snape was withering away like the lilies he loved so much, was already unconscious. The thought made her throat go dry with fear as she gazed at her sleeping teacher.

He would never make a potion again, she knew that. Would never gaze into a swirling cauldron, feeling and knowing the delicate liquids as well as he knew himself …

_But you will,_ the strange voice reminded her. _And can._

Lily started. How could she of been this stupid? She could sustain him with potions, perhaps. They almost certainly wouldn't keep him alive forever, but she only needed to talk to him.

Immediately she left the hospital wing, dismissing the idea of sitting by him for hours as she had planned. The students stared at her as she ran full pelt to the dungeons, reminding herself with every stab of pain in her lungs that this was for Snape, for Severus, that she had to hurry.

She had not made a potion since the previous evening. Would it be different, could she indeed command the potions as Snape had suggested? He had never shown her a different way of doing it, but if she was their mistress …

Standing in front of the cauldron, she whispered tentatively: '_Life force_.' But the voice was not hers, rang strange and discordant and powerful in the misty dungeons. And there, in the cauldron, grew a Life Force potion, pure white and shimmering and potent, bubbling up and swirling with its energy. Lily could feel her own energy being sucked out of her, and smiled grimly as she realised why Snape did not make potions this way. 

She only needed one dose of the potion, she knew: he was so far gone that it wouldn't do very much anyway. But still she firmly scooped out a large measure into a flask and corked it, and then started to make her way back to the hospital wing. Everyone was in lessons now, and only the teachers smiled comfortingly at her through the open doors of their classrooms. 

Back by Snape's bed, she asked Madam Pomfrey to give the sleeping man the potions, admitting to herself that she would probably end up giving him the whole bottle in desperation.

Once the silvery liquid had been tipped down Snape's throat, Lily and Madam Pomfrey waited anxiously for some sign that the potion was working.  Then slowly Snape stirred, and the lines on his face seemed to fade a little. His eyes flickered open, and Lily's heart leapt for a moment at the prospect of seeing those beloved eyes in their original glory. But although his body looked fully refreshed, his eyes betrayed that it was not real.

'Lily?' he whispered, then slowly lifted himself into a sitting position. Suddenly he looked annoyed. 'What am I doing here?' he demanded. 'I'm supposed to be teaching!'

'Severus, you are staying in here from now on,' Madam Pomfrey told him kindly. Lily tried desperately to ignore the 'until you die' implicit in that sentence.

Snape was obviously thinking fast. 'Then fetch Dumbledore,' he ordered finally.

Madam Pomfrey looked slightly put out at this bossiness, but appearing to accept that they did not have much time, went to the fire and threw a handful of powder into it. 'Albus,' she called softly.

Immediately the headmaster appeared in the flames. 'I wondered how long it would take Lily to work that out,' he said, stepping out of the fireplace.

'What do you mean?' Snape asked suspiciously.

'Severus, she woke you up with a Life Force Potion.'

'But she's never made one before! How could she have possibly made one this effective first time?'

'I didn't make it,' Lily said quietly. 'I can command the potions now, they made it for me.'

Snape leaned back into his pillow. 'So I really am dying,' he said flatly.

'I'm afraid so, Severus,' Dumbledore said sadly. 'I don't think any of us can do anything to prevent it. Rowena Ravenclaw is very powerful, and I think she would have placed restricting charms on this, especially regarding potions. 

'I see.' Snape thought for a moment. 'Albus, may I have a private word? There are a few things I need to sort out with you … my will, for example.'

Dumbledore nodded briefly, and Madam Pomfrey took Lily through to her office to wait.

Lily sat in silence, her head resting in her hands on the desk, her heart pounding. She could think of nothing that would distract her from the dying man in the next room.

Madam Pomfrey smiled at her reassuringly. 'Don't worry, dear, it'll be all right.'

'How?' Lily replied bitterly. 'He's going to die. I don't … I can't …' She let out a low cry and collapsed onto the desk as the sobs finally overcame her.

Madam Pomfrey patted her easily. 'There, there, Lily, shh …'

Lily continued to let the tears flow from her eyes, accepting no comfort and not bothering to restrain herself, not pretending that Snape was just another teacher to her. 'Severus …'

Madam Pomfrey's eyes narrowed. 'Is there something I should know about?' she asked sharply.

Lily looked at her. In all appearances Madam Pomfrey looked dependable, but Lily did not trust her not to go straight to Dumbledore if she found out. Still, if Severus was dying …

Slowly, for the first time, Lily began to talk about the last seven years. She told Madam Pomfrey about her first potion, what she'd learned about Snape's past, about the Auroras, her evening Potions lessons and finally how she and Snape had fallen in love. She knew it was a bad idea to let the secret out, especially to a teacher (of sorts), but the prospect of Snape's death found her a recklessness she could not shake off.

Madam Pomfrey sat, listening with only a slightly stony face as Lily's voice wavered through the room. 

When Lily had finished, she waited for what seemed like hours, watching the old witch carefully.

Finally Madam Pomfrey sighed. 'I suppose you realise I'll have to tell Dumbledore? Although I suspect he already knows, quite frankly.'

Lily nodded. 'It doesn't matter now, anyway,' she said softly. 'He's as good as dead.'

Madam Pomfrey stared at her for a long moment, measuring, calculating. Then the door opened, and he two women broke their gaze to look enquiringly at Dumbledore.

The headmaster smiled. 'You can go back in now, Lily. I assume Madam Pomfrey wishes to speak to me now?'

Lily promptly left, her heart sinking as she told herself that it was over, that she had to say goodbye. She knew that when the effects of the Life Force potion wore off, when the day broke … he would die.

Her feet heavy from exhaustion and dread, she walked back to Snape's bedside. He nodded slightly in greetings, then with what seemed like a tremendous effort raised his hand and offered it to her.

Lily grabbed his hand and held it tightly, now fixing every memory with Severus in her memory, not ever wanting to forget what it was like to be loved. Slowly she settled in his arms, resting her head on his shoulder. She heard him whisper in her ear, had to strain to make out the words: 'I love you.'

For the rest of that evening she started by Snape, occasionally going back into Madam Pomfrey's office when the other teachers came in to say goodbye to him. Lily was touched when even Professor McGonagall visited him from her retirement, and found it very difficult to keep her composure when she saw tears on the old teacher's face. Evidently more people still harboured affection for him than Lily had originally thought.

At half past midnight Lily's father arrived, and Lily flung herself into his arms as she sobbed out to him the story of hers and Severus' love, how she could not leave him. Harry was shocked, of course, but after speaking to Severus he seemed to decide that it was not worth it to scold Lily.

'I wish you'd told me, Lily …  well, I suppose it doesn't matter now … you're staying here then, I take it?'

'Yes,' Lily replied nervously. 'I'll leave you, then. Come and get me when you're finished.'

'Wait.' They turned; Snape was sitting up in bed, looking at them very directly. For a moment, Lily was caught by the gaze, sinking slowly as his eyes bored into her. Then she shook herself sternly.

'Harry, I know this probably isn't the news you wanted to hear when you arrived … but I do love Lily, very much. I think … well, if you don't like it, there isn't going to be much I can do, but my intentions are completely honourable … nothing of _that _kind has happened, if you get my meaning. We _are_ in love. But you have been my best friend for … I don't know how long exactly … it's strange, I remember loathing you at school, and then when we started working together … Anyway, I'm sorry I kept this from you.'

Lily's father stared at Snape for a few moments, and then slowly tears began to trickle down his cheeks. 'Severus, the age difference … you understand there's no way I can approve the match.'

'I know. Anyway, Lily, would you let us have a few minutes?'

'Of course,' she replied. 'Come and tell me when you're done.' She went out of the office, crestfallen. Her father wouldn't give them his blessing now, even when Severus was about to die. 

Half an hour later, her father came to tell her that he was staying the night at Hogwarts and that he would be in the guest quarters. Lily guessed that he couldn't bear to be present for Severus' death, but also suspected that he was harbouring a little jealousy. After all, Severus probably felt more affection for her than he did for Harry now.

Her father was the last visitor Severus had, and after that Lily was forced to sit while Severus slipped in and out of sleep, hypnotised by the second hand of the clock as it swept past the markers.

At four o'clock Dumbledore came up wit Fawkes, his phoenix, and sat with Lily as she wondered how she was going to live with Severus gone. She had made no plans for her future; perhaps she would be allowed to stay at Hogwarts, where she was safe with her potions. But every time she pictured the bottles and phials and cauldrons, she saw Snape, his dark hair hanging either side of his pale face where his eyes burned like candles, his voice murmuring through the dark stillness of the dungeon, instructing, making her shiver.

As she watched him, panic began to rise in her throat. She knew she would not be able to escape the grief she would feel, not ever. When he was gone his memory would torment her, forcing her to remember everything about him, every little detail of his face, his voice, his habits, the way his hand had stroked her hair years ago … her life would be a ruin after this night. The thought scared her: she would have nothing to live for, no teacher, no lover …

Suddenly Dumbledore stood up and went to the window of the hospital wing. He stood for a moment, studying the sky, then turned to Lily. 'I estimate it will be about half an hour until dawn, Lily,' he said softly. 'Perhaps we should wake him up so you can say goodbye properly.'

Lily nodded, emotionless, then shook Snape's shoulder slightly. 'Professor,' she called, and then after a quick glance at Dumbledore, said: 'Severus … Severus, please … wake up …'

For a moment Snape did not move, and Lily's eyes flew to the window as she wondered desperately whether she had been wrong, whether the potion had worn off and he was already dead.

'Severus!' Dumbledore's voice, far more intense than usual, rang in the tense, still air. Snape's eyes suddenly flew open, and he stared at the two standing figures blankly.

'Severus, its -' Dumbledore's voice shook for the first time since Lily had been at the school –'it's nearly time. I suggest you make your farewells. Lily, you have ten minutes.' He stepped out into Madam Pomfrey's office and closed the door.

Severus looked at Lily, pain shimmering in his eyes. 'Lily …'

'Severus, I don't want you to die!' Lily burst out, flinging herself onto him. 'You can't die, please … I love you, I always have, please, you can't die …'

'Lily, hush,' Severus said quietly. 'I don't want to die either, of course I don't. But I will. You know that. I've got less than half an hour left on this earth now … I'm scared of death, Lily. I'm scared of leaving this world. I feel safe here … and I'm scared of leaving you, Lily. I love you, too. But Rowena Ravenclaw had the strongest will of all the founders, and she's ruthless. If she wants someone to die, they will.'

He laid a gentle, lingering kiss on Lily's neck, and she was lost, pressed her lips against his, embraced him madly, trying to keep him, to hold him back from death.

'Oh … and you're staying here after I die, Lily, if it suits you. Dumbledore has allowed me to bequeath the dungeons to you. You're going to be the new Potions teacher, there's no one else for the job … you weren't planning anything else?'

Lily shook her head numbly, dumbfounded that he had thought of her future while he lay on his deathbed, and she, alive and healthy, had neglected to.

There was a quiet knock on the door, and then Dumbledore came back in. He wore a slightly satisfied expression, as if he knew something that they did not. 'Severus,' he said, 'would you like to see your mother again for a few minutes?'

Severus turned pale, and his eyes grew very wide. For a moment Lily saw in him a small boy, scared and timid. Then he swallowed and nodded, and the image was gone.

Dumbledore smiled, and then raised his and, his face growing intent. Then he muttered a few words in Latin.

Immediately the room grew dark, except the tip of Dumbledore's wand, which was growing a blinding white. A tall figure began to appear at the foot of Severus' bed. As Lily watched, she began to make out the figure's face, her hair, her long emerald cloak, until in front of them stood Severus' mother, exactly like a real person save the glimmer of Dumbledore's magic that shimmered under her skin.

Severus watched her, his face anguished. 'Mother,' he whispered.

The woman walked forward to his bedside, and knelt down by Severus. 'My son,' she said formally.

'Mother, I'm dying.'

The woman's expression did not alter, but Lily's experience gave her ability to find the pain in her voice when she spoke. 'I know. I sensed it.' She turned her face towards Dumbledore. 'Headmaster,' she greeted.

'Vivienne.'

Vivienne turned to Lily. 'And this would be Lily Potter.'

'Yes,' Lily replied. She decided she could not lose anything now, and continued. 'Um … Mrs Snape … Vivienne … I'm in love with Severus.'

Severus' mother smiled. 'Yes, I know. And he loves you.'

'You're not … concerned … about it?'

'Lily, I believe you have done more for him than I ever did. Of course, the age difference _is_ … unfortunate … well, I suppose it no longer matters.' She turned back to her son. 'Severus, know that I love you with all my heart.'

Dumbledore made a strangled noise, and taking her eyes off Vivienne, Lily saw that he was pale and sweating.

Vivienne also looked at him, her shining form fading slightly. Then she stepped forward to Severus, leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, her raven hair falling either side of her face. 'Sleep well, Severus.' Then she motioned to Dumbledore, who smiled weakly and raised his wand. The image of Vivienne Snape evaporated, and Snape was left staring at the spot where she had been, tears running down his cheeks.

Dumbledore collapsed into a chair and again looked at the sky outside. Faint rays of sunlight were beginning to emerge from under the horizon, and Lily watched them in revulsion and disgust at the witch who would take away the life of a man loved by so many.

She looked at Dumbledore, and he nodded grimly. Then she bent down and planted a final kiss on Severus' lips. 'I love you,' she murmured. 'Goodbye.' Then she turned away, eyes haunted and terrified, shaking with the fear of being left alone. She did not hear Dumbledore's farewell, did not see the two men embrace briefly, only stared at the sky, waiting numbly for the dawn.

Then, with such purpose as Lily had never thought the day possessed, it came. Just as she held her breath and prayed that she was wrong, that Severus would not die, she saw the sun rise. At the same moment she felt a terrible wrench in her chest, suddenly felt the green awareness that had before disappeared from her mind flare and go out, felt the whole of Severus' personality, his past, his soul, disappear into the utter silence of dark … knew that he was dead.

Dumbledore let out a small noise, and Lily, turning mechanically towards him, saw tears glistening in his eyes at the loss of the man who had worked at the school faithfully for so many years, who had pledged his life to Dumbledore's service.

She stared at Severus' body, his face white, his eyes shut with a dreadful finality. He was gone. Gone forever … they would never again laugh over their cauldrons together, would never talk sadly about Snape's past, would never embrace and kiss each other. He would never again tell her he loved her.

'Are you sure?'

Lily started. For surely this was the voice who had been talking to her since she had become an Aurora, that quiet, almost motherly voice who had advised her what to do. But it sounded outside the caverns of Lily's mind, sounded within this very room.

She turned. A tall, dark-haired woman stood imperiously in front of her. For a moment Lily thought it was Vivienne again, but the face of this woman was wiser, and her eyes were green, not black, telling of potions and spells … and of founding a school for magic, a school so great it would produce the two wizards who would fight and destroy each other.

But Lily was not afraid. She stared at the woman with nothing less than hatred in her eyes. 'Rowena Ravenclaw,' she said coldly. 'How nice to be introduced to you at last. In the flesh.'

Rowena Ravenclaw's eyes flared. 'You wait, you just wait …' Her voice was different to that which had spoken in Lily's mind. It was cold, and angry, but not actively threatening and did nothing to provoke fear in Lily. Evidently she had been hearing the nicer side of Ravenclaw.

'Now, Rowena, no need to be nasty,' scolded another voice, softer and patient. Then another tall woman appeared next to Ravenclaw, golden-haired and smiling.

'Helga, she insulted me!'

'That is irrelevant. It detracts from … you know. Our task.'

As the women talked, Lily sneaked a quick look at Dumbledore. He was gazing uncertainly at the two women, looking as if he wished this was a danger that could be banished with a wand.

Lily suddenly felt a stab of annoyance. 'I presume, ladies, you are aware that Severus Snap has just … passed away?' she said icily.

'Which is exactly why we are here, Miss Potter,' snapped Ravenclaw.

Hufflepuff looked at her co-founder in irritation. 'I'll do it, then,' she said finally. 'Lily, let me tell you of the conditions under which Hogwarts was founded.

'You see, each founder had a task. Salazaar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor hated each other so much that we knew the school would not be able to function properly as long as their feud existed. And they could not have fought it out; they were the most powerful wizards in the world, they would have destroyed it. So they left it o their heirs to sort out.

'In the end, we decided that each founder would have a task they would pass down to their heirs. Gryffindor's and Slytherin's was to fight and, most likely kill, each other. This was the most important task. Britain's wizarding community would be at peace after that had been achieved.

'Being women, Rowena and I didn't have much say in this, we didn't have enough power to persuade the boys -' Ravenclaw snorted –'to let us do anything. So we sort of wrote ourselves into the contract. We were fairly impartial, though, so in the end we figured that we could help both sides. Rowena could assist them with potions – which, by the way, was a Ravenclaw subject originally – and she did. Well, Severus helped Voldemort at one time with his potions, Voldemort obviously being Slytherin's heir. And you helped your father, Gryffindor. So her task was complete.

'My task was slightly different. I was simply to reward those who did good deeds, who made good choices. The reward wasn't specified, I liked my free will at the time. So I've been helping various people. Your father was rewarded after he defeated Voldemort – he was supposed to die, really, but I didn't think that was completely fair. And I couldn't let everything he'd done just go to waste. I rewarded Snape, too, for having the courage to do what he knew was right.'

'How – did -' Lily whispered.

'Oh, his reward was easy. All he wanted, all he'd every wanted for the past fifty years or so, was a second chance for love. So I gave him you. Someone to talk to, someone to help him forget his terrible past.

'Anyway, there were various others whom I rewarded, some of them on Slytherin's side, but I only have one last reward to give now. And then our tasks will be complete, and we can rest.'

Suddenly Lily's heart thumped in her chest. She had a feeling she knew was Hufflepuff was going to say.

'I'm here to reward you, Lily. For helping your father.'

'And for helping Severus,' Rowena Ravenclaw added quietly.

'Yes … so let's not delay, shall me?' Helga said to Rowena, who nodded.

The two witches stepped forward to Severus' bed, their wands raised. 'Vita!' they cried, lowering their wands together straight at Severus.

'Et iunior!' added Helga Hufflepuff, smiling.

As Lily watched, trying to translate the Latin words in her head, Severus' body faded, became insubstantial, ghostly, and then disappeared altogether. Lily was ready to turn away, sickened that she no longer had a body to mourn, when something caught her eye.

Another shadowy form was slowly gaining solidity in the place of Severus' body. Soon Lily could make out pale skin, long black hair and dark, tunnelling eyes, staring blankly. She looked at the two Founders in confusion. For surely this was Severus again, the same Severus she had known when he was alive?

But as she studied the body carefully, she noticed a few differences. His hair was longer than before, coming down just past his shoulder. His face was smooth and clean, not sallow at all, and the weary lines were gone. His eyes, though still deadly black, were softer and shone, not with anger or hate or the lust for revenge, but with the joy of life and a slight reckless amusement. This Severus was simply _younger_, perhaps only twenty or so. Certainly only a few years older than herself, she decided.

Severus blinked a few times and looked at them. 'I thought – I thought …'

'That you were dead?' finished Rowena Ravenclaw, and Lily noticed that even she was smiling.

'Well … yeah,' replied Severus, and suddenly his voice was that of a youth (albeit a little confused), was happy.

'Severus, you've been given another chance,' Hufflepuff said softly. 'A chance to live without Voldemort, without that Mark on your arm. A chance to love and be loved.' She looked at Lily, who, unable to contain herself any longer, ran and threw herself on the two Founders in delight. Tears came, but they were not the anguished tears she had expected, were tears of utter and complete happiness.

Severus climbed out of bed quickly, wearing only a long black robe, and almost ran to Lily, sweeping her up in his arms.

'How much do you remember?' asked Lily through her tears.

'Everything … I remember it all, but it's faded, like it never happened. Like a sort of threat, it's what will happen if I make the same mistakes again.'

'You won't … I love you, Severus. I really, really love you. Oh … I can't believe this is happening!'

'I know … I love you too … so much.' Severus leaned down and kissed Lily hard. She wrapped her arms around him briefly, then broke away and looked at Dumbledore, who looked relatively unfazed by the whole thing. 'Professor?'

'I always knew anything could happen at Hogwarts,' Dumbledore replied contritely. 'Shall we leave you to it?'

'We were going anyway,' said Rowena Ravenclaw. 'We're done here.' The word 'done' held a peculiar familiarity for Lily, but she knew she had never known it to be anything significant before.

She turned to the two women. 'Thank you, both of you. I'd been dreading his death so much … well, I never dreamed this could happen … to me …'

The two Founders smiled at her together, then murmured: 'Done.' Their voices were very quiet, but they seemed to echo all over the castle, and suddenly Hogwarts seemed less mysterious, less hidden, less _magical_ somehow. Then the figures vanished.

Dumbledore looked at Lily and Severus, his eyes filled with surprised glee. 'I suppose that's that, then! I will announce your death and rebirth at breakfast. It would be nice if you could put in an appearance – both of you – but after that I reckon you both deserve a day in bed.'

'Together,' Severus muttered, a smile twitching the corners of his mouth. Lily giggled, and even Dumbledore smiled. Severus certainly had not lost any of his lived-in, experienced humour. _Age is only a number,_ Lily mused.

'Shall we?' Dumbledore asked, and the three of them walked, arm-in-arm, to the Great Hall.

Everyone was already assembled for breakfast, and there was an astonished silence followed by a deafening cheer when they saw the three of them standing in the doorway.

'I have the pleasure to announce,' the headmaster said, 'that Professor Snape, with the help of Helga Hufflepuff and Rowena Ravenclaw, has been resurrected and transformed into a substantially younger man. Miss Potter and Mr Snape, who remains a Professor, are to jointly teach Potions from now on. They would also like to inform everyone of their … relationship … which, as I understand it, began in the dungeons a few years ago … among the potions.'

The students all laughed, and Lily smiled at Severus, grasping his hand tightly. She could see her father at the staff table, looking overjoyed at not having to wrestle with the importance of his daughter's happiness versus the impropriety of her 'boyfriend.'

'So,' continued Dumbledore, 'I invite you all to raise your glasses to Lily Potter and Severus Snape!'

'LILY POTTER! SEVERUS SNAPE!' roared every pupil in the school.

And Lily, glancing joyfully at her lover, knew that Severus could finally begin to live again.

THE END

*****

Well, it's been a long wait, but I finally got there! Please review, but don't ask me for a sequel or anything coz there won't be one. And I really cannot be bothered to go through it all and edit it. It's long enough as it is, and I'd probably just add more. Anyway, thanks are to be given where thanks are due …

Thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed …

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thanks soooooo much I love reviews and you have all been really positive, reviews brighten up my life!

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